Simply AMAZED!

Amazed! This word aptly describes the feeling that is bubbling within me right now. In a few hours, we will be flying over to Melbourne to celebrate Ah Di's graduation.


It's not because we're going to Australia for the 2nd time this year that i'm amazed. It's not because I'm blessed to work for a company that allows their new employees to take advance leave that i'm amazed. It's not because I'm gonna catch up with my old uni buddies. All those are great, and i'm really looking forward to them.

But I'm AMAZED because Ah Di's graduating.

I still vividly recall the time when i came back from Melbourne. Dad had just left. Ah Di was in his Form 5 facing his SPM. I had had a wonderful time in Melbourne. The experience was so wonderful, i felt bad if Ah Di did not get the same opportunity to study overseas. But how he was going to study overseas, both me & mum weren't so sure. We told him we'd work 2 jobs each. We'd give tuition. We'd do anything! As long as Ah Di could go to Melbourne for at least two years. We were so naive. On hindsight, we recently calculated, even if we saved every single penny, ate only rice and soya sauce, at max, we'd be able to support Ah Di for a year.

God is far more amazing! Ah Di got a scholarship for his studies, 1 year in KL and 5 years in Melbourne!

It brings tears to my eyes to think of God's faithfulness in His gracious providence for our entire family all these 7 years. Ah Di's graduation, his excellent performance academically and in ministry is truly a great testimony of God's abundant blessings and favour on him. And i'm amazed!

p/s: I just realised it's exactly 7 years ago that i graduated in Melbourne. It's amazing, isn't it? God is good.. =)

Living Out the Name

Our Bible study on last Friday was on Ephesians 4. The book we're using started off with a story of the great world conqueror, Alexander the Great. It shares about how one day he was inspecting his troops, when he came across a soldier, shabbily dressed. He asked this soldier, "What is your name?" The soldier replied, "Alexander". WIthout missing a beat, the great warrior and strategist stepped forward and said to the trembling infantryman, "Either change your ways or change your name!"

The story hit me. I carry the name of Christ as a christian, but am I leading a life worthy of my calling? Do i draw others nearer or pull them farther away from Christ? We had an interesting discussion on that. I guess we're all work-in-progress. But hopefully, we're progressing forward in our faith and our testimony.. =)

Today, our church had the privilege to have Aunty Merrilyn share Gods word with us. She had so much to share about her stories of missions in Nepal and China. She reminded us that we are the carriers of God's love. We are but jars of clay, worthless, insignificant, carrying treasures immeasurable, invaluable - the gospel of Christ, the message of redemption. She exhorted us to put on God's shoes, not ours, but GOD'S shoes of preparation of the gospel of peace. That everywhere we went, we would exude Christ' fragrance and love, bringing and drawing people to Him.

Aunty Merrilyn was the OCF Resource person, and had touched countless lives through her mission work in China, Nepal, Papua New Guinea, Singapore and through her ministry in the OCF, and through her pastoral ministry in AACC, Adelaide.So many people call her mum, God-ma, Didi (sister).

Later on, i had the opportunity to have lunch with Aunty Merrilyn. Now, this is one life truly sold out for Christ. As i sat with her, listening to the stories of her travels, the people she has led to Christ, the things God has done in and through her, i was just astounded.. I could imagine myself like Mary sitting at the Lord's feet just soaking in everything. Aunty Merrilyn reminds me that she is only a vessel used by God, as ordinary as you can get, but to me, she's amazing. She epitomises faith and love; and when she said she's a representative of Christ, she didn't mince her words.

At 65, her memory is amazing. She remembered the things she prayed for me during our last church camp in PD. She asked me how have things progressed since then. She wrote a scripture letter for me, prophetic, i believe, as she said it's God's word for me for this season in my life. When I told her that she inspires me through her life, her love and her faith, she smiled. It has been a tough journey for her, but she's just so fired up for Christ, she's more than prepared to give everything she has and is to the Lord.

Each time i meet, speak, listen and see Aunty Merrilyn, i am reminded all over again, that life on earth is short, and i should live it fully for my God, leaving a legacy for His Kingdom, making my life count for eternity.

You Speak..

Last Friday, i stepped in last minute to lead bible study on Ephesians 3. It was an interesting bible study for me personally. Just earlier that week, a sister asked me about the purpose of life - as a Christian. It was a tough question, as she went through some moments of doubt. As i pored over the passage and some commentaries, it was as if the passage was meant for her. The answers to her questions were jumping from the passage. From this, I have come to realise the reality of God's word being true, alive and relevant.

Further, it was an interesting Greek lesson for me and our CG, as we learnt to appreciate the significance of the meaning of the Greek words used by Paul. It conveyed a richer and deeper meaning to his message. The common English phrases seem diluted and paled in comparison to the purposeful grammar and vocabulary used in the Greek terms.

Paul starts of Ephesians 3 with great excitement that a mystery has been revealed - that God's grace and love was for everyone - Jews and Gentiles. Salvation by grace was available to everybody who believes that Jesus is the truth, the way and the life.

Paul then prays for 4 things, which John Stott calls a "prayer staircase".

(i) He prays that we would be strengthened in our inner man. - That we would understand the power of the Holy Spirit, and the power that we can tap into.

(ii) He prays that Christ will be more at home in our hearts. - That we would give Christ full control over our hearts and lives.

(iii) He prays that our roots would grow deep into the soil of God's love. - Here the Greek words "Rizow" - meaning 'to take root', and "Themeliow" meaning 'grounded & to lay a foundation' are used. That we may understand the full dimension of God's love for us.

(iv) Finally he prays that we may live life to the fullest and be filled with God's power. The abundant Christian life is ours for the taking.

As a staircase, we will not stay on top of the staircase all the time. There are bound to be moments when we move down the stairs. When doubts surface, when worries creep in, when sin knocks us down a rung or two.. It's so lovely when Paul ends this chapter in doxology, in praise and thankfulness to God for all that He has done, and all that He continues to do in and through us.

To that dear sister of mine, i pray that you will continue discover and experience God's great love - the width, the length, the height, the depth of His love for you.

Feast for the tummy, the eyes and the heart..

Thanks to AirAsia, over the Deepavali holidays, we managed to sneak in a short holiday to Sandakan, Sabah to visit my best buddy, Rowena. I've known her for 9 years already, but embarassingly, this is the first time i'm visiting her home in Sandakan.. =)

Honestly, this trip deserves at least 3 blog-posts to adequately describe our wonderful trip there..

Firstly, it was truly a feast for our tummies - Yong Yi & I were treated to the best culinary delights and seafood dishes Sandakan could offer. Rowena pre-warned me twice about the sumptuous food she'd be feeding me with.. =) But it was really over-whelming.. =)



Uncle Alex (Rowena's dad), was quite a joker with many stories to tell.. It was a real joy to meet him for the first time. While Aunty Patricia, (Rowena's mum) was our tourist-cum-foodie guide. She fed us so much, accompanied us to Sepilok, and introduced us to the many Sandakan specialty food and even made us her very own triffle, which was simply delicious.



Why feast of the eyes, you ask? Sandakan is famous for it's wildlife sanctuaries - like the Sepilok Orang Utan Rehabilitation centre. Whilst there, we also had the opportunity to travel via a gravel road to the Labuk Bay Proboscis Monkey Sanctuary. You can view the many trigger happy shots i took (too many to post) in my picasa web album . Again, like my previous posts, i am amazed at the uniqueness of each creature that God created. He could have very well made all monkeys alike - same mouth, nose, tail, but NO.. not our creative Creator God. He had to make each one unique, special, beautiful, purposeful..



And finally feast of the heart.. Whilst YY caught up on his rest and sleep on the last day, Rowena and i had some time to catch up and chat.. Something that we haven't had the chance to do much in the past few years. It was nice, to reminisce the good-ol-days, remembering the things we experienced in college and Uni, our favourite foods and favourite 'makan' haunts, our favourite song to dance to in our little dorm room, our fond memories of birthdays and walks in the parks, our final year torture of thesis, the sleepless nights, and exhilaration of finally graduating.

It was sweet and touching, just reflecting on how things have changed and not, how life has turned out thus far for each of us.. It was sweet and touching to know that in all facets and circumstances of life, we could always share our heart to each other -- through the toughest moments, and the happiest moments. It was sweet and touching to know that such God-given friendships go beyond distance and time. This friendship is one where we could just pick up from where we last left off.. knowing that we are thought of often, and always held in each others' heart. It was sweet and touching to know that in such friendships we could each be ourselves, hair down and souls bare.


*Row, I truly truly thank God for you. =)
*B, next day, you're coming along too so that the 3 musketeers get to party together.. =)

Feathers & Beaks

Location: KL Birdpark

Date: 271007

Thoughts: O Lord, my God, I am in awe of Your creativity! I am amazed at the intricacies and details You put into creating each bird, each creature. The feathers in their grandeur, the hues and colours of their beaks - each created with a purpose and a reason. The wonder of of Your creation, leave me spellbound, Lord. How can anyone say that there is no God? How can anyone doubt Your existence? How can we not give You the glory for the work of Your hands?

Lord, You made each bird with such beauty and such intricate detail. Just look at their feathers! Look at their beaks! Look at their eyes! Look at how they dance, fly, swim, parade and display the creativity of their Maker! As if shouting out to the world I am a product of a Creator God, i give Him the glory!

Lord, I am reminded You made each one of us purposefully, wonderfully and creatively. May the things we do bring You glory too..

Not the leftovers nor the extras

Was struck today by what YY said during the worship session, that "Our God gives us His very best, His most precious. "

How often we give out of the abundance that we have - our extras and our leftovers. What if you had only one? Would you still give it away? It reminds me of a little girl who had only one keropok(fish cracker) in her hand. I asked her for that piece of keropok. She held on to it tighter. She refused. I pretended to be really hungry. In her kindness and pity, she said, "only one small bite, ah?" For such a young girl, i was impressed by her generosity. Because if I were her, i'd probably quickly put it in my mouth and chew and swallow it! (Just kidding, *wink*) =)

But honestly, if it were you or me, if it were something costlier, if it meant everything to you, if it were your one and only, if it were your precious, would you still give it away?

***










Creator God, You did not give me
A gift that costed You nothing
You did not give me
Your leftovers, or trash and garbage.

Creator God, You did not give me
A gift that means to You nothing
You did not give
Your extras, or something you didn't want
And had plenty of the same.

Jesus, He was Your one and only.
Your beloved, Your precious.
Jesus was a part of You
Heart of Your heart
Soul of Your soul.

Yet, for someone so unworthy like me
You CHOSE DELIBERATELY
Not a haphazard, spur-of-the-moment decision
For someone so undeserving
You GAVE INTENTIONALLY
Not by chance but by choice.

It blows my mind
The Creator God who could give anything
Would CHOOSE to give me
Not His leftovers
Nor His extras
But His one and only
His everything
His Son
His Jesus.

As a ransom for my life
As a punishment for my sin and my failures
As a redemption for my future, my eternity.

***

Coconut water: A simple act of love

Guest Blogger: YY

Specially dedicated to my lovely wife,

From Wikipedia dictionary:

- The white, fleshy part of the seed is edible and used fresh or dried in cooking.

- The cavity is filled with coconut water which contains sugar, fibre, proteins, antioxidants, vitamins and minerals.

- Coconut water provides an isotonic electrolyte balance, and is a highly nutritious food source.

- It is used as a refreshing drink throughout the humid tropics and is also used in isotonic sports drinks.

On a warm evening in Batu Pahat where we spent our Raya break...

It’s a simple act of walking her to a stall 1km away to quench our thirst with coconut drink…

It’s a short 10mins sitting down by the dusty roadside stall and sharing one freshly opened coconut…

It’s a relatively short distance compared to the amount of energy I would spend in jungle trekking, jogging or on a futsal pitch… it sweats much less…

Its frequency is less than the airport taxi I take in a month for my work.

It’s just not something I will naturally do as a way to spend “quality time” with her J

But I know it meant something for her…

For countless time she would fondly recall how her dad prepares coconut water while singing “coconut water, good for my daughter” – I trust those were the moments of tender love and care and edged such lasting memory for a young soul.

Years later God brought a big guy into her life… to care for her as a loving husband and to be the pillar of strength in the face of adversity…

To love her for who she is, to appreciate everything about her, and to help her to become a woman after God’s heart..

In loving what she loves and treasuring what she treasures I found a way to truly connect with her heart.

In years to come my prayer is that the things we do together will be treasured moments for our lives…

Even in simple thing like enjoying coconut drink…

Love you, honey

YY

My "happening" Ah Ma.. =)

This trip back to BP during the Raya break was good. Had a nice long chat with Ah Ma. And took more photos of her.. She's really "happening" - she loves to pose, and knowing that cameras are now digital, she asks to see each photo to approve whether or not she looks good enough for "printing" and posting.. =)

I simply love this shot. Ah Ma has a very sweet and serene look on her. At 97, she epitomises style and beauty.












I attempted this shot many times, each time Ah Ma told me to try again, cos she didn't smile "nice enough". She's so cute, lar.










Ah Ma telling me that her hands no longer have "prints" and lines anymore. "It's all smoothed out now.." she tells me in Hokkien. I tell her it's still as soft and supple as a baby's skin.

The jade ring on her finger, she's had it for over 50 years. Grampa lost all her jewellery during one of their trips, and bought this ring for her in return.



My favourite shot of all!

We were all in stitches, cos Ah Ma wanted to pose for this shot. She kissed me for a good 2 minutes cos the camera-woman (aka mum) initially couldn't locate the small digital viewfinder, and when she did, she couldn't contain her giggles.. =) Mum had a hard time keeping the camera stable..

Girls' Nite Out!

Last Friday, 6 of us girls from Cafe@ Subang CG went for a classy date with each other - for a Latino Jazz performance at Alexis Bar in KL. It felt like we were a bunch of 21 year olds, chatting away, laughing away and enjoying the yummy spread of dinner. Jules & I did the ordering.. and we did a very interesting girl thing.. we ordered mains first, then the appetizer.. and then dessert.. Should've skipped the appetizer and went straight for the gorgeous sumptious heavenly (you get the idea!) signature Tiramisu cake.. It was superb.

It was a lovely time to just chill with the sisters.. sharing our week.. and a slice of our lives which we had not shared before. It was sweet.. Next round, Eileen,Grace and Sarah must come along.. =)

We found out just today that the guys had a great time out with each other too.. YY, Joe and Ka Hing played snooker, bowling, buffet at Shogun's and even managed to cramp in the Bourne Ultimatum in their 6 hours together.. =)

Dawn will break

Title: Candles by the pit
"A bruised reed, He will not break. A smouldering flax, He will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice."Isa 42:3









Title: Cloud on a puddle
Even if a vague reflection is all i see, but it reminds me of You, it will suffice.











HOLD MY HEART
By Sharon AM

Lord, hold my heart in Your hands
Till the darkest night is over
Let there be the promise of a brighter dawn
Lord, hold this heart of mine
Hold my heart firm within Your mighty hands

Lord, it hurts deep within
Hold my heart in your hands
Lord, please help me understand
Why things happen as they do
Surely You know and feel it too

In moments when i am weary
Carry me close to Thee
In moments when i fail Thee
Remind me that You still love me

Even when all hope seems to fade
Even when it's hard to believe
Even when it’s hard to trust in You
Lord, remind me You are faithful

Even when all doubts surface
Even through my darkest fears
Even when my eyes are out of tears
Lord, remind me of your grace

Lord, hold my heart in Your hands
Till the darkest night is over
Let there be the promise of a brighter dawn
Lord, hold this heart of mine
Hold my heart firm within Your mighty hands


* This "song" was first written for a close friend of ours at the loss of their first child. And just over the past week, i was reminded again that sometimes life's circumstances may be so harsh, like raging waves with no mercy, giving one no chance to catch even a breather.

This song/poem was written as a reflection of our frailty, our human-ness, our weakness in moments of loss, of confusion, of doubts, and seasons of un-answered prayers. It also reminds us that we believe in a loving God, a mighty God, a faithful God. In His perfect time, dawn will break.

Sharon.

A Merger & A Joint Venture

Some of you who've been regularly reading this blog would realise some changes to the profiles..

Yes, with much inspiration from Ps Wong, influence from our CG, and negotiation with me, Yong Yi has finally(!) entered blog-dom as well albeit a not-too-much-commitment way. He's starting off with a joint-venture / merger with me - in Selah Moment.

He claims he loves the blog name, Selah Moment. (*CG members, i think shellobot.blogspot didn't quite appeal) =) Me thinks it's more of a passing fad.. We'll see..

Hence, you will find some blog posts by our dear big guy every once in a blue moon.. =)
(YY: Will prove you wrong!)

*Seems CDPC is growing in the blog-dom, eh? =)

Enjoy!

Song for the children?

While I was preparing to share with the Sunday School kids abt Immutable God, YY had encouraged me to close my message to the kids with a song that i had written - Faithful God. I was slightly apprehensive, but figured, if this song can help them to remember our Faithful God having an unchanging love for them, it was more than enough.


Without any lyrics flashed, the kids surprised me by singing in unison the whole song of Faithful God. It moved me close to tears. Personally, I had always thought this song as an adult-song. It was humbling to think that the kids, who had such powerful memory, knew this song by heart. Even the 4-year olds were singing the chorus, "Faithful God, Unchanging Love.. *trail off* .. Faithful God, Unchanging love.. *trail off* Faithful God"

It's a scary thought that finally (!) dawned on me that writing songs for church is an awesome responsibility. It influences and shapes the theology of these young minds. It is also an exciting opportunity and tremendous privilege to be a part in impacting our children =)

P/s: Sarah, Jules, remember we had often wondered what other words to be used in replacement of unchanging love (since there wasn't a verse that spelt that out verbatim)? Well, it finally dawned on me (thru YY's moment of deep wise revelation) that our God is unchanging. And our God is love. Hence, His love is unchanging. =)

Photo 1. Faithful God (C) Copyright - CDPC album

Photo 2. Taken at Sydney Olympic Park.

Immutable God

Just yesterday, i had the privilege to share with the Sunday School kids abt our Immutable God.. Yup, Immutable God. Such a "chim" topic for the little ones aged 4-12.. Initially whilst preparing for this, i had thought that the word probably meant a God that couldn't be silenced (cannot be muted .. hence immutable??) =)

I then searched online via the google search and discovered that Immutable God refers to an Unchanging God! Then my brilliant mind figured that the word may have come from the word "cannot mutate"..hence, im-muta-ble. =) Clause: I hereby hold no responsibility whatsoever for any possibility of this definition being completely wrong.. =p

Anyways, in preparing for this short message, i learnt so much abt this Immutable God that i believe in. Our God is an unchanging God.

(i) His nature is unchanging. God doesn't cease to be divine. The Creator God is unchanging. His creation changes, but He doesn't. He doesn't stop being God - at any point in time.. From the dawn of time, He was.. To the end of time, He will still be.. God.

(ii) His character is unchanging. God is Omni-present (always present) ; Omni-potent(all-powerful); Omni-scient(all-knowing); always righteous, always holy, always just; always true; always loving; always faithful.

(iii) His promises and purposes are unchanging. God's promises in His word were true for His people in the past, for us in the present, and for our future. When God created, He foreknew the potential of sin. When he created man, He already saw Jesus as a baby, as a man. He saw the cross, the crucifixion, the redemption plan unfolding.

With that, we should hold on to God's unchanging word. We can trust God with our lives. He will not one day disappoint us by ceasing to be divine. Knowing that our God is unchanign, in a way, we too, should strive to not change according to the circumstances and situations around us. We should not change who we are for what the world dictates of us. We should be whom God has created us to be. And finally, God being an unchanging God, His standards are still perfect. But thank God, He has given us a way out - a perfect salvation plan, a perfect redemption through Jesus.

Cross shots

Just a random collection of photos taken depicting the cross.. and thoughts on this journey of faith..

Title: Before I Fly

Location: Ceiling of KLIA

Title:

Location: Top of an old church opposite the Lidcombe train station, Sydney.

Title: Dots of a Cross

Location: Carpet at Radisson Plaza Hotel, Sydney.

Title: Stairway to heaven

Location: Sydney Olympic Park

Title: On Your Shoulders
Location: Sydney

Indescribable!

Was just listening to Chris Tomlin's song Indescribable, and reminded once again just how great our Creator God is. "Creation's revealing Your majesty"; "You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing God!"

Like these pretty couple insect in my eyes, so i must seem to such a great God who owns and created this universe. Amazing.. simply mind-blowing..

To think that He didn't just stop there.. He knows each one of us and loves each one as if there was only one of us...


Luke 12: 27-28 "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!"

This indescribable God doesn't just create us and leave us here on earth to fend for ourselves.. He give us the greatest gift of grace to live this life plus blessing upon blessing.. providence upon providence.. miracle upon miracle..

My heart echoes with Chris Tomlin, "You are amazing, God.."

Offering of Praise

OFFERING

By Paul Baloche

The sun cannot compare to the glory of Your love
There is no shadow in Your presence
No mortal man would dare to stand before Your throne
Before the Holy One of heaven
It's only by Your blood
And it's only through Your mercy,

Lord, I come

CHORUS
I bring an offering of worship to my King
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus, may You receive the honor that You're due
O Lord, I bring an offering to You
I bring an offering to You

© 2003 Integrity’s Hosanna! Music

Photo by: Samantha Teh

Withering Heliconia

How can a withered flower, a worthless dying plant, past its glory days of bright colours and gorgeous hues -- how can it still exude such beauty?

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. This old saying still rings true.

In my camera lense, this withering heliconia is an image of beauty, of class, a unique work of art.

Like us, the created in the eyes of our Creator God, even at times when we are down and out, He still sees us as beautiful, unique, fearfully and wonderfully made.

Ah-Ma

My Ah Ma is one of the most amazing people i have ever known. At 97, she's the epitome of determination, of zeal and vigour. As i sat with her just over the recent Merdeka weekend, i learnt so many precious lessons that i pray i may remember for always.

Lesson 1. NEVER GIVE UP

Ah Ma was just recalling that Grampa passed away for more than 40 years already. Twisting her jade ring, she said, "i gave my whole packet of gold jewellery to your grandfather, but he accidentally misplaced it. He felt bad, so he bought me this ring. It's been so many years.. "As she said that, i realised that for the past 40 years, she has single-handedly brought up her 8 children. A housewife, it must have been so tough to feed the many mouths. It is by sheer determination and hard work that she raised her children well and today, i would say her children are all healthy and successful.

A couple of years back, Ah Ma fell down. While most people would just resolve to sit in a wheelchair, but not my Ah Ma. She was determined to walk on her own with her walker. Step by step, she learnt to walk. At 95! Not wanting to be a burden to others, Ah Ma refuses to let her circumstances keep her from being independent. She was telling me that every night she would clap her hands softly over her head 300+100 times. She would stretch her legs 150 times each. 300 times! It is to keep her limbs active and her mind strong, she says.

Lesson 2. DON'T BE GREEDY.. =p

haha.. I recently asked Ah Ma her secret to longevity and good health. She replied in hokkien "When eating your food, stop when you feel just right. Don't stop only when you feel full. By then, you would have overeaten. Take plenty of veges. Meat is a luxury. You know, when ur mum was younger, we only ate chicken and pork on special occasions."

Lesson 3. KEEP LEARNING!

At 97, Ah Ma still reads the newspapers everyday and occupies her time reading books. It keeps her mind alert and active. Though she's a bit more forgetful nowadays and tends to repeat herself, it is forgiveable - afterall, she's 97! I pray that if God allows me to live that long, that i would be as alert, as full of life as Ah Ma.

It also made me think that at her age, everything Ah Ma says is like pure gold. While i do not always agree with all that she says, but for most of it, i listen, ponder and reflect out of respect and admiration for Ah Ma. It comes from her wealth of experiences in her journey of life. Like the chinese saying, she has eaten more salt than i have eaten rice.

With that, I realised that if i should be given such a long life, alertness and zeal, i could impact and inspire my future generation-- to share God's goodness, to recall His faithfulness, to remember His providence and guidance all through my life. Deuteronomy 4:9 says, "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them."

May this life of mine leave a legacy of faith to my children and my children's children.

**Thank you, Ah Ma. I will save this post and show it to you the next time i go back to BP, k? =)

Un/Answered Prayers?

It had been churning in my mind for the longest time.

How long does one wait for a prayer to be answered?

How long does one trust for the prayer to be answered?

How long before one realises that God is answering the prayer in a different way altogether?

I've been reading many books these past few months.. Was just telling YY that i go thru these "read-all-I can" phases. Seldom does this happen, but when it does, i can finish up to 2 books a week.

Just a month ago, i came across a book with a very interesting title, " When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayer" by Jerry Sittser. I picked it up, because it resonated with my heart's condition at that time. I flipped, and read about Jerry Sittser's story. He & his wife had been praying for a child for many years. Then when they had almost given up praying 8 years later, God gave them 4 children(!) one after another over a span of 6 years! Every night, he would pray for the protection of his precious children, his family. He remembers early that September morning, praying for them, only to find himself in a horrible and tragic nightmare hours later. A drunk driver collided with his car, killing his wife, 4 year old daughter and mother, leaving him to care for his 3 other young children who survived the crash. He groped, searched, wrestled, struggled and asked God, “Why wasn’t my prayer answered?” Jerry shares honestly and openly the pain he felt, the despair and disillusionment, but still hanging on to his faith and his God to continue this life.

I know of many in my midst who have had their share of unanswered prayers. Some still coping with the sudden loss of a loved one. Some still healing from a broken heart. Some waiting for a glimmer of hope for their job, their relationship, their ministry. Mothers waiting for their wayward sons to return. Wives / husbands praying for their spouses to be healed.

I have earnestly asked God for a prayer to be answered. A simple request. A simple task for such a mighty Creator God. A miracle He has worked around the world a billion times over. I have bargained, negotiated, persuaded, even begged God. But till now, heaven seems silent.

Jerry Sittser shed some light as he discovered over the years, that sometimes unanswered prayer is not due to our “lack of faith” or because we didn’t pray the “right way”. God has a greater will and plan that He sees, but often we don’t. So in some sense, unanswered prayers are His answers to our prayers.

Ironically, I am currently working on a song entitled Supreme. Right after Faithful God was written, the phrase and tune “Supreme, You alone are God Supreme” started ringing incessantly in my mind. I believe that God speaks to uniquely to individuals. For me, God uses the songs he wants me to write to teach ME lessons that I myself need to learn.

When I say, God is supreme, I am proclaiming that He is the greatest, the ultimate, the highest in authority. When I say, God is supreme, I am advocating that He is sovereign; He is in control. When I say, God is supreme, I am not the king, He is. When I say, God is supreme, I am no longer my master, He is.

And if i say, God is supreme, He has every right as God and Lord and King to answer prayers as and when He wants to.

For me, I should hope and trust that my Supreme God will work out only the very best for me in His best time and plan.

The LONG WAIT

Never in my life had I waited for so long for anyone. Not for even YY (thank God!). It was almost like in the scene of some Korean drama, except that this time it was a girl waiting for another girl..

With my tummy rumbling and my head heavy, the one and a half hours wait at the LRT station felt somewhat like eternity.

Before I start making this sister feel worse than she already does, I would like to say that God turned it out for something good. The wait was full of lessons that I guess God wanted to teach me.

For one, it showed me my flaws clearly. (i) My impatience. While I was reading a godly book (ironically it was called Driven by Eternity), I was tapping my fingers and toes impatiently as if to hurry her up. (ii) My fear of the unknown. I didn’t like the idea of not knowing where she was and what exact time she was arriving. “I am reaching soon” wasn’t good enough. (iii) My easily irritability. In my mind I was giving her a lecture about learning to be punctual, keeping deadlines, being unselfish, and thinking about others, etc, etc.

Then suddenly while all these emotions were rising up inside of me, a still small voice said “You call this sacrifice? You call this waiting??”

There in the car, I learnt about sacrifice. God’s sacrifice. Sacrifice means giving up, forgoing, forfeiting, letting go, surrendering something. God gave up His One and Only Son. Our heavenly Father surrendered His Son to save us. Jesus had to forgo heaven and all His power and glory. Jesus forfeited His all, His life and went to hell for our sakes. Now THAT is sacrifice.

God has been waiting.. and waiting.. and waiting.. not passively, but actively seeking.. for the lost to know Him and experience His love and grace.

God has been waiting.. and waiting.. for the backslidden to come back into His embrace.

God has been waiting.. and waiting.. delaying His judgments and His eternal punishments. That NONE may perish. Now THAT is waiting.

I couldn’t never measure up. After one and a half hours, I had to call to say I was way too tired and hungry to wait any longer. I left feeling bad, she felt bad too.. but we both learnt some powerful lessons. (*I asked her to read mine in this blog)

When i reached home, I was reflecting on it over my maggi noodles, and I realize that I learnt far more from my wait than I would had I been at home in the comfort of my sofa. I guess God knew better. He made the lessons in the book come alive.

Waiting has now taken a new meaning for me.

BOLD FAiTH (cont'd)

BOLD FAiTH (part V) – July 2007

Bold Faith. A deliberate decision, a conscious choice to trust in God and live for Him.

I was poring all over scripture to find a person of courage as an example for our Bible study. i didn't just find ONE, i found so many. It made me realize that courage was a character inherent in so many biblical heroes of faith. Courage isn't evident at the absence of fear. Courage is all about taking risks and steps, overcoming fears, the adveristies and the ordinary.

Courage, or boldness, in itself is not sufficient; coupled with faith, these ordinary men & women became key instruments mightily used by God to save lives and inspire us today.

I realised that these men and women weren't just sunday school bible stories. They were and still are heroes; role models - paving the way to remind us that in our "ordinary" lives today, we too have an opportunity be courageous and faithful.


Noah – had the courage to obey God at a time when the world had never seen a disaster of that intensity; had the courage to build an ark to precision; had the courage to obey in looking for and bringing in animals of every kind. BOLD FAiTH.

Amram & Jochebed – listed in the hall of faith, because they had courage to hide their son at a time when all males were killed by the Pharaoh. As a result of their courage, Moses is mightily used by God for the redemption of the Jews from Egypt. BOLD FAiTH.

Hebrew midwives - had the courage to save the jewish male babies from being killed by the Egyptians. Had the courage to disobey the orders of the most powerful ruler at that time - the Pharaoh. BOLD FAiTH.

Moses – an adopted prince, a murderer, a shepherd, a stutterer, overcame his fear of speaking, to go down history as a friend of God, and the greatest leader of all time. BOLD FAiTH.

Joshua – had the courage to take over the leadership helm from Moses, the greatest leader of all time. To no other leader has the assurance from God, “Be strong, and of good courage!” appeared so many times. It took courage to lead this pack of forgetful and stubborn people. It took courage to obey God and lead the people through a place he had never been before. It took courage to lead them into the promised land. BOLD FAiTH.

Rahab – This prostitute, who did not know God had the courage to risk her life for the safety of a bunch of Jewish spies. Had courage and faith to believe the hear-says that this Jewish God parted the Red Sea to save them from Pharaoh in Egypt. Had the courage to request for her life and her family’s to be spared when (not if) the Jewish came back to conquer Jericho. BOLD FAiTH. She goes down the hall of faith appearing in the lineage of Jesus. BOLD FAiTH.

Esther – had the courage to speak up to the King to save her people from genocide. Had the courage to expose the evil schemes of Haman. BOLD FAiTH.

Daniel – a captive in a foreign land, with a foreign name and teachings, had the courage to stand up and speak up for his beliefs and his faith. Even to the point of death and the lion’s mouth. God granted him favour and a spirit of excellence. He became the king’s 2nd man- for 3 kings. BOLD FAiTH.

Daniel’s 3 friends - Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego – had the courage to stand up for their faith by not bowing to the golden image of the king; even at the risk of death in a fiery furnace. BOLD FAiTH.

Peter – had the courage to leave everything behind to follow Jesus. Had the courage to ask Jesus to allow him to walk on water. Upon his restoration by Jesus – had the courage to be used mightily by God even unto death. BOLD FAiTH.

Paul – a Pharisee, a persecutor of churches. Upon the encounter with Christ, had the courage to stand up and speak up for the Christ he now knew. Had the courage to teach and preach the gospel of Christ in spite of persecution. BOLD FAiTH.

And so so many more. Their bold faith and courage simply inspires. Men and women who are completely and utterly sold out for God. Surrendering their lives to be used in the hands of a mighty God for His purpose. Ordinary folks in the hands of an extraordinary God did extraordinary things to the glory of God.

BOLD FAiTH?!

I was leading a Bible study discussion on courage last Friday. Whilst preparing for it, I was reminded of an on-going journal entry that I had been writing for the past 3 years on a rather similar topic – BOLD FAiTH. This is a summary of the entries and thoughts. I was hoping to see a deepening of faith and spiritual maturity. More evident instead is God’s amazing grace..


BOLD FAiTH (June 2004)

“BOLD FAiTH”... “BOLD FAiTH”… these two words kept ringing in my mind.

Whilst in Kota Bharu for a short sales stint, in a land of pious Muslims and staunch idol worshippers, where superstitions beliefs are prevalent, where would my faith stand? How BOLD would I be? Without realising it, I’d become conscious of revealing my Christian faith – quietly keeping my faith undercover. My cross tucked safely inside my shirt. Even mealtime prayers had become an open-eyed in-the-heart-mumble. “Afraid that the flies may find its way to my food”, was my excuse.

An encounter with a Muslim fanatic in K. Terengganu threw me somewhat off-board. Shocked by his deep knowledge of the bible and embarrassed by the lack of mine, I was disappointed that my faith did not stand as boldly as it should.

BOLD FAiTH – these two words rang loudly in my head again. Why these two words? Why BOLD? Why FAiTH? Can’t each go without the other?

BOLD – evidence of strength, courage, fearlessness, striking, emphasized, noticeable.
FAiTH – a trust, a belief, something we hope for which we do not yet see

Boldness without faith is like a strong and mighty ship without a rudder, bravery without purpose, courage without direction
While,
Faith without boldness is like an unplugged electrical appliance or a Porsche kept locked in a garage, full of potential but not in use.

And so, BOLD FAiTH works hand in hand to give us both the purpose and the drive to which we were born for.

I’ve been asking myself of late where does BOLD FAiTH stand in a pagan land? A relentless pursuit to do what is right, what is good, honoring God in every circumstance, glorifying Him.

BOLD FAiTH does not mean an aimless head-on battle with others, or what some call “plain Gung-ho” but rather a conscious, deliberate trust in the Lord.

BOLD FAiTH symbolises a shining beacon, an anchored ship and a firmly founded building.

******

BOLD FAiTH (Part II) – Continued in Aug 2005

As I re-read this article I wrote almost a year back, i was reminded me of an incident late last year, which triggered back feelings of guilt. “BOLD FAiTH?! It’s just a silly ideal, a childish fantasy, and an unrealistic aspiration.”

“Is BOLD FAiTH in today’s context in essence, really a fantasy and aspiration? Is it only a dream but never a possibility?” I ask myself again and again.

When I pledged myself to be married to Yong Yi, knowing full well his parents were non-Christians, I never thought I’d live to see the day that I would bow to idols. No, not me. I was the kind who gets inspired simply by reading the stories of Christian martyrs, those who live and die for their faith. My heroes in the Bible were people like Joseph and Daniel – people who stood strongly for their faith, in spite of all the adverse circumstances. I was the kind of person to challenge people to stand up boldly for their faith at all costs. Oh, I felt just like the apostle Peter, who at one moment told Jesus he would go anywhere his master went and within the next 48 hours denied Christ thrice.

Late 2004, during our Chinese wedding tea ceremony, we were requested to bow to “ti kong” or the god of heaven and also to his late grandmother as a sign of respect. I complied reluctantly. But deep inside, I felt like I had betrayed God and everything I had stood for. I felt like a failure, a coward and a hypocrite.

Peter would have understood perfectly what I felt – the guilt, the disappointment.

Then, I recalled vividly the message about the restoration of Peter by the Lord Jesus. Thrice the Lord asked him, “DO you love me?” Together with Peter, my heart resonated a “Yes, Lord, You know I do!” “Feed my lambs.” “Feed my sheep.” “Tend my sheep.” He answers. I took it by faith that as the Lord restored Peter, He’d stretched His forgiving arms to me as well.

I’ve come to realize that it is not by my own strength nor my own ability that I can live with BOLD FAiTH, but it’s God’s grace that compels me. Through experience, I have come to appreciate better what boundless and amazing grace the Lord pours on me.


BOLD FAiTH (part III) – September 2006

8 of us girls and guys in church had embarked on a song-writing project. YY pressured me into completing my song – which was inspired just before I went for a job interview – sometime in July 06. I had been praying to God for a new job for at least 8 months. But God had never seemed more silent than this. I was getting frustrated, anxious and disappointed at the idea of it all. Yet something in me just kept telling God – You know what’s best.

During the journey to the interview, suddenly a song sparked in my head, and I started singing a whole paragraph. I had to stop the car, just to type the song into my handphone, and prayed I would not forget it. Within two weeks, I got the job, I was elated!

The 1st song I wrote? It was entitled – I NEED YOU, LORD. It is a reflection of a heart’s deepest cry to God that in everything, at every moment, in every situation – I NEED HIM. Desperately.


BOLD FAiTH (part IV) – May 2007

Things at work were tough. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. An uncle who knew I was unhappy said, “Sharon, this is not your home, you’re not meant to feel comfortable there. We were created for heaven. Till then, we will all be misfits here.”

But despite that, I was so miserable, I had begged YY to allow me to quit even without a job in hand. I guess I learnt BOLD FAiTH through him. He asked me if I was certain that that was what God really wanted, and challenged me to wait – for just 2 weeks. If within the next two weeks God doesn’t give me another job, then I can go ahead and quit.

Guess what? God answered with a job within 2 weeks.

Prior to leaving, I still questioned why God brought me there only to feel a sense of regret. I felt like I had disappointed God; as if I had wasted the past 9 months of my life. But to my surprise, at my farewell, God affirmed me through the various colleagues telling me that I had made a difference in their life. I certainly hope so.

BOLD FAiTH? I'm still work-in-progress.

Courage Under Fire!

During our bible study last week, we studied the character of Daniel on the subject of Leadership. As we read and discussed, I was amazed and awed all over again by the life of Daniel. He was more than just a Sunday School bible hero. He epitomised faith and courage in the present modern world.

Daniel. A Babylonian captive. A stranger in a foreign land. A minority. A slave in the king's palace. YET, he rose to become the King's 2nd in command. How did that happen??

Daniel purposed in his heart to obey and please God only. No yummy royal food could tempt Daniel from becoming defiled. He continued to pray 3 times a day as he had always done. He bowed to no other god except his God. In the face of death and of the lion's den, he obeyed only God's law and precepts. He most likely didn't have God's book of law with him when he was taken away from his home. He had only what had been taught to him as a child. And God showed him favour.

The Babylonian King tried to change Daniel and his 3 friends - their lifestyle (by introducing foreign royal food), their religion (by giving them foreign names after the Babylonian gods), their thinking (by giving them foreign teaching). But what Daniel and his friends had learnt in their childhood, they kept int heir hearts. Daniel and his friends refused to be changed. They purposed in their hearts to serve God and Him only. And God showed them favour.

In our day and age, temptations surround, haunting and threatening at every opportunity. I hope i will store up God's truth in my heart such that like Daniel, i can continue to live my life for God and not be shaken by the temptations and threats around me.

My Life is in Your Hands

A dear sister in Christ and mentor once wrote this song lyrics by Kathy Troccoli as her graduation and farewell gift to me. It was a tremendous encouragement to me then. It is still a great inspiration and blessing today. There are many things in life that we cannot fully understand, but by faith, God will work all things for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. May it also be a blessing to you...

MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS
By Kathy Troccoli

Life can be so good
Life can be so hard
Never knowing what each day
Will bring to where you are

Sometimes I forget
And sometimes I can't see
That whatever comes my way
You'll be with me

My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without hope
Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands

Nothing is for sure
Nothing is for keeps
All I know is that your love
Will live eternally
So I will find my way,
And I will find my peace
Knowing that you'll meet my every need

My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without hope
Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands

When I'm at my weakest love
You carry me
Then I become my strongest love
In your hands

My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands
I trust you Lord
My life is in your hands

P/S: Thanks, Roanna for this. I wrote it in my journal more than 7 years ago, and it's still here with me..

God - on hindsight..

Over the past week, while i was between jobs (in case you're not aware, I've just moved to Cadbury-yup! the choc factory), i had the opportunity to clean up my house a bit. The first to get tidied was our study. I came across my dear journal, and spent quite a while reading through my entries.. some of which i will try to post in time to come..

One particular entry brought tears streaming down my eyes just reading it. It was dated Sunday, 17/9/2000, and written in purple ink. It was the day that my world came crashing down, when mum told me that dad hadn't been himself, and had threatened to leave home. It was my final term at Uni, and i was due to finish at the end of the year. And my reason for calling home at that time was to ask if i should continue my studies for a Masters degree.

It was also the same time that I had my 3 final thesis papers due, I had to chair the OCF meeting that Friday and lead in worship as well. I still can't imagine how i survived that horrendous week! The turmoil of emotions. The hot tears and the impending fears. The disappointment and the hurt. It was like the carpet was yanked from right under my feet. The pillar of my life - a strong family - came crashing down. And i couldn't do a single thing about it. The helplessness.. The hopelessness..

I think I survived solely by God's grace - because of the loving brothers and sisters who came alongside and prayed for me, listened and encouraged me; aunties and uncles who stood with my mum and bro, cared for them and carried them through. They were really God-sent.

When i re-read what i wrote that week, i am amazed at the level of faith God gave to me at that time. "I prayed that the Lord would remind especially the young ones in my cell group that life is not void of troubles. But our God is faithful. Circumstances will rise, even when the things we hold closest to our heart will fail, but the Lord will not fail me. I could only say this is within the Lord's will and He will see me and the whole family through. God is good and on Him alone, can i depend. "

Now, on hindsight, after close to 7 years, I can only testify of God's faithfulness and abounding grace. I came back to Malaysia in Feb 01, dad had left the family right after attending my graduation. I was so worried for mum, and more so, for my bro - who was facing his SPM.

I recall that time when i promised my brother that he would have a chance to study in Australia just like me. And mum and i said we would both work and give tuition to support him. Little did we know how much it would cost!! But thank God! He gave us far more than we could ever ask or imagine.. My brother got excellent results for his SPM and got a scholarship to study in Melb for 5 yrs!!

By God's grace and providence, mum has since moved up to PJ. I came up to KL, met and married a wonderful, handsome and godly guy. (But that's another story altogether!)

I look back and can only say that God has been amazingly gracious. What i thought i had lost - a close-knit family, i gained much more - a closer-knit family who has encountered and experienced God in a very intimate and personal manner.

*Nevertheless, I am continually with thee: thou has holden me by my right hand*Ps73:23

Purposeful Pain?

Have you ever been through such a difficult situation in your life, a crisis, a deep wound or painful experience that you begged God for help or intervention?


Have you ever wondered why you had to go through the entire tough experience and why God had allowed it to happen to you, His precious child?


Or have you ever, while still in the midst of recovering from the whole trauma, find someone in the exact same situation placed right smack in your path? Have you shook your head, stared up into heaven, wondering if God had done all these on purpose? Did He intentionally allow you to go through the exact same pain just so that you could understand this person, share his/her pain, give hope, and lead them a step closer to God?


I had two very interesting conversations with a couple of younger church members weeks ago, and in the midst of our sharing, we discovered some striking similarities. They were lamenting of some painful experience that they had been going through, and wondered what was God trying to teach them from all these? Was He trying to mould their character? Perhaps. Was He trying to work something in their life? Perhaps. But before they got their answers, God brought people with very very identical experiences into their paths as if for them to minister to.


I challenged these young ones to consider that perhaps, just perhaps, God had allowed them to go through the tough circumstances and painful experiences, so that they would be better able to minister hope and give grace. How many times have we told a grieving one, "I understand how you feel", but not truly meaning what we said?

Having gone through the same pain, an identical hurt and the similar difficulty, one can be the most emphatic and understanding person. More so, having experienced God's grace and hope, we can share peace, speak grace and impart hope to the other person.


Some 3 years ago, I had the opportunity to be chosen to go to the Presbyterian Youth Triennium in US for a month. It was the biggest Presbyterian camp whereby over 5,000 US Presbyterian youth would attend, and at least 100 delegates from all over the world would participate.


As i was chatting with a Korean delegate - in her broken English, she tearfully shared with me her fears - for her father had just left the family. She being the eldest was not sure how she would be able to study, and still help to provide for her family. She doubted God's presence. I could cry with her, simply because I knew how she felt. For i too had experienced that same pain just a couple of years ago!

I told her my story. I kept in touch with her a few months after i returned. Last i heard God provided her a scholarship to study in Uni.

Deep inside, i felt that the pain i had been through was purposeful. If it helped this one girl to go through life with a little more hope. If it helped her live with a little more faith. If it helped her trust God a little bit more. It was worth it. The pain was purposeful.

A year older, a year wiser?

I love birthdays. Especially when it’s not mine. *wink*

My all-time favourite is planning birthday surprises. I get all tickled just imagining the whole event unfolding in my head. From hand-crafted cards , to specially-wrapped presents, to planning birthday parties. I guess cos I’ve always been so blessed to be surrounded by loved ones and to have more than one birthday celebration, and I just assume that everyone else should also have a wonderful and meaningful birthday celebration..

When it comes to my own, however, I would somehow switch into a melancholic mode of serious reflection about life, purpose and calling. I'd call it Pre-birthday blues.. Haha.. Maybe it has to do with age playing catch-up game. I really don’t feel like I’m in my LATE-twenties, but the birthdate seem to confirm it, and so does my IC.

This year, I decided to do a stock-take of my life. What have i achieved? What have i done with the 365 days God has given to me? Or 28 years for that matter?

I am blessed to have had the opportunity to serve Him in Awana Club in the past 5 years, and now to take a sabbatical rest. The past few months have been a refreshing time-out for me. I had expected it to be a blissful time of rest and relaxation. Instead, it has been a time of discovery and adventure.. Taking roads I've never travelled before.

I've had the opportunity to dabble in things i never imagined possible. Like photography. And song-writing. Now that has been amazing. I believe it started as a challenge from YY. And before i knew it, a bunch of us were writing songs for the church, as our praise to the Lord.

As I had expressed in one of the songs i wrote, Faithful God, God has truly been faithful to me and my family. In every phase of my personal life, it's as if God has been choreographing my life into a tapestry, weaving events and circumstances, people and places to teach me and mould me into the person He wants me to be. I look back, and i'm in amazement at how He's led me thus far, and i cannot cease thanking Him for His faithful providence and blessings.

I know He's definitely not done with me yet; I guess I have another 365 days ahead to look forward to all that God has in store for me...

A step into the unknown

I had always loved writing. I've even secretly wished and hoped to someday publish my own biography - a collection of my journey of faith, of my thoughts and moments of reflection. With much persuasion from my CG girls, plus having been a regular 'follower' of their blogs, I have been very blessed to read their 'thoughts' and be a part of their lives. In my 28 years, I had never been tech-savvy, so this is quite an achievement.

As I step into the world of the 'blogging', my hope and desire is that this blog will be a blessing, an encouragement, an inspiration, and one that will turn people to Christ.

Why Selah Moment? I recently came across a book called Selah by Nancie Carmichael. It reminds people to take a moment to stop, think, and step into our future. I'd always seen the word Selah in Italics in my Bible. It was only recently that i realised the significance of it. It was as if, the psalmist had put it there, to indicate a pause. A rest. A short time-out, before continuing his praise and adoration for God.

In the movie Music of the Heart, a 1999 movie based on a true-life story, Meryl Streep starred as a tireless East Harlem violin teacher Roberta Guaspari. In one of the scenes, she was teaching the students the significance of a pause, to have a brief moment of complete and utter silence. During the performance, the sudden silence in the middle of the song took the audience by surprise. They waited full of curiosity, anticipation and suspense. That brief moment of silence, followed by the ending stanza made the rest of the song sound more meaningful, more complete, and richer.

I believe brief moments of 'pauses' in life have a similar effect on us. It gives us time to reflect, to take count of what we have done with who we are, and what we have been given. These 'Selah moments' help us consider the purpose in which God has created us, and His plans for us. As we realise the hand of God upon our lives, we live our lives more purposefully, with a greater sense of calling and gratitude.