I was leading a Bible study discussion on courage last Friday. Whilst preparing for it, I was reminded of an on-going journal entry that I had been writing for the past 3 years on a rather similar topic – BOLD FAiTH. This is a summary of the entries and thoughts. I was hoping to see a deepening of faith and spiritual maturity. More evident instead is God’s amazing grace..
BOLD FAiTH (June 2004)
“BOLD FAiTH”... “BOLD FAiTH”… these two words kept ringing in my mind.
Whilst in Kota Bharu for a short sales stint, in a land of pious Muslims and staunch idol worshippers, where superstitions beliefs are prevalent, where would my faith stand? How BOLD would I be? Without realising it, I’d become conscious of revealing my Christian faith – quietly keeping my faith undercover. My cross tucked safely inside my shirt. Even mealtime prayers had become an open-eyed in-the-heart-mumble. “Afraid that the flies may find its way to my food”, was my excuse.
An encounter with a Muslim fanatic in K. Terengganu threw me somewhat off-board. Shocked by his deep knowledge of the bible and embarrassed by the lack of mine, I was disappointed that my faith did not stand as boldly as it should.
BOLD FAiTH – these two words rang loudly in my head again. Why these two words? Why BOLD? Why FAiTH? Can’t each go without the other?
BOLD – evidence of strength, courage, fearlessness, striking, emphasized, noticeable.
FAiTH – a trust, a belief, something we hope for which we do not yet see
Boldness without faith is like a strong and mighty ship without a rudder, bravery without purpose, courage without direction
While,
Faith without boldness is like an unplugged electrical appliance or a Porsche kept locked in a garage, full of potential but not in use.
And so, BOLD FAiTH works hand in hand to give us both the purpose and the drive to which we were born for.
I’ve been asking myself of late where does BOLD FAiTH stand in a pagan land? A relentless pursuit to do what is right, what is good, honoring God in every circumstance, glorifying Him.
BOLD FAiTH does not mean an aimless head-on battle with others, or what some call “plain Gung-ho” but rather a conscious, deliberate trust in the Lord.
BOLD FAiTH symbolises a shining beacon, an anchored ship and a firmly founded building.
******
BOLD FAiTH (Part II) – Continued in Aug 2005
As I re-read this article I wrote almost a year back, i was reminded me of an incident late last year, which triggered back feelings of guilt. “BOLD FAiTH?! It’s just a silly ideal, a childish fantasy, and an unrealistic aspiration.”
“Is BOLD FAiTH in today’s context in essence, really a fantasy and aspiration? Is it only a dream but never a possibility?” I ask myself again and again.
When I pledged myself to be married to Yong Yi, knowing full well his parents were non-Christians, I never thought I’d live to see the day that I would bow to idols. No, not me. I was the kind who gets inspired simply by reading the stories of Christian martyrs, those who live and die for their faith. My heroes in the Bible were people like Joseph and Daniel – people who stood strongly for their faith, in spite of all the adverse circumstances. I was the kind of person to challenge people to stand up boldly for their faith at all costs. Oh, I felt just like the apostle Peter, who at one moment told Jesus he would go anywhere his master went and within the next 48 hours denied Christ thrice.
Late 2004, during our Chinese wedding tea ceremony, we were requested to bow to “ti kong” or the god of heaven and also to his late grandmother as a sign of respect. I complied reluctantly. But deep inside, I felt like I had betrayed God and everything I had stood for. I felt like a failure, a coward and a hypocrite.
Peter would have understood perfectly what I felt – the guilt, the disappointment.
Then, I recalled vividly the message about the restoration of Peter by the Lord Jesus. Thrice the Lord asked him, “DO you love me?” Together with Peter, my heart resonated a “Yes, Lord, You know I do!” “Feed my lambs.” “Feed my sheep.” “Tend my sheep.” He answers. I took it by faith that as the Lord restored Peter, He’d stretched His forgiving arms to me as well.
I’ve come to realize that it is not by my own strength nor my own ability that I can live with BOLD FAiTH, but it’s God’s grace that compels me. Through experience, I have come to appreciate better what boundless and amazing grace the Lord pours on me.
BOLD FAiTH (part III) – September 2006
8 of us girls and guys in church had embarked on a song-writing project. YY pressured me into completing my song – which was inspired just before I went for a job interview – sometime in July 06. I had been praying to God for a new job for at least 8 months. But God had never seemed more silent than this. I was getting frustrated, anxious and disappointed at the idea of it all. Yet something in me just kept telling God – You know what’s best.
During the journey to the interview, suddenly a song sparked in my head, and I started singing a whole paragraph. I had to stop the car, just to type the song into my handphone, and prayed I would not forget it. Within two weeks, I got the job, I was elated!
The 1st song I wrote? It was entitled – I NEED YOU, LORD. It is a reflection of a heart’s deepest cry to God that in everything, at every moment, in every situation – I NEED HIM. Desperately.
BOLD FAiTH (part IV) – May 2007
Things at work were tough. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. An uncle who knew I was unhappy said, “Sharon, this is not your home, you’re not meant to feel comfortable there. We were created for heaven. Till then, we will all be misfits here.”
But despite that, I was so miserable, I had begged YY to allow me to quit even without a job in hand. I guess I learnt BOLD FAiTH through him. He asked me if I was certain that that was what God really wanted, and challenged me to wait – for just 2 weeks. If within the next two weeks God doesn’t give me another job, then I can go ahead and quit.
Guess what? God answered with a job within 2 weeks.
Prior to leaving, I still questioned why God brought me there only to feel a sense of regret. I felt like I had disappointed God; as if I had wasted the past 9 months of my life. But to my surprise, at my farewell, God affirmed me through the various colleagues telling me that I had made a difference in their life. I certainly hope so.
BOLD FAiTH? I'm still work-in-progress.
