Over the past week, while i was between jobs (in case you're not aware, I've just moved to Cadbury-yup! the choc factory), i had the opportunity to clean up my house a bit. The first to get tidied was our study. I came across my dear journal, and spent quite a while reading through my entries.. some of which i will try to post in time to come..
One particular entry brought tears streaming down my eyes just reading it. It was dated Sunday, 17/9/2000, and written in purple ink. It was the day that my world came crashing down, when mum told me that dad hadn't been himself, and had threatened to leave home. It was my final term at Uni, and i was due to finish at the end of the year. And my reason for calling home at that time was to ask if i should continue my studies for a Masters degree.
It was also the same time that I had my 3 final thesis papers due, I had to chair the OCF meeting that Friday and lead in worship as well. I still can't imagine how i survived that horrendous week! The turmoil of emotions. The hot tears and the impending fears. The disappointment and the hurt. It was like the carpet was yanked from right under my feet. The pillar of my life - a strong family - came crashing down. And i couldn't do a single thing about it. The helplessness.. The hopelessness..
I think I survived solely by God's grace - because of the loving brothers and sisters who came alongside and prayed for me, listened and encouraged me; aunties and uncles who stood with my mum and bro, cared for them and carried them through. They were really God-sent.
When i re-read what i wrote that week, i am amazed at the level of faith God gave to me at that time. "I prayed that the Lord would remind especially the young ones in my cell group that life is not void of troubles. But our God is faithful. Circumstances will rise, even when the things we hold closest to our heart will fail, but the Lord will not fail me. I could only say this is within the Lord's will and He will see me and the whole family through. God is good and on Him alone, can i depend. "
Now, on hindsight, after close to 7 years, I can only testify of God's faithfulness and abounding grace. I came back to Malaysia in Feb 01, dad had left the family right after attending my graduation. I was so worried for mum, and more so, for my bro - who was facing his SPM.
I recall that time when i promised my brother that he would have a chance to study in Australia just like me. And mum and i said we would both work and give tuition to support him. Little did we know how much it would cost!! But thank God! He gave us far more than we could ever ask or imagine.. My brother got excellent results for his SPM and got a scholarship to study in Melb for 5 yrs!!
By God's grace and providence, mum has since moved up to PJ. I came up to KL, met and married a wonderful, handsome and godly guy. (But that's another story altogether!)
I look back and can only say that God has been amazingly gracious. What i thought i had lost - a close-knit family, i gained much more - a closer-knit family who has encountered and experienced God in a very intimate and personal manner.
*Nevertheless, I am continually with thee: thou has holden me by my right hand*Ps73:23
