Over the past week, while i was between jobs (in case you're not aware, I've just moved to Cadbury-yup! the choc factory), i had the opportunity to clean up my house a bit. The first to get tidied was our study. I came across my dear journal, and spent quite a while reading through my entries.. some of which i will try to post in time to come..
One particular entry brought tears streaming down my eyes just reading it. It was dated Sunday, 17/9/2000, and written in purple ink. It was the day that my world came crashing down, when mum told me that dad hadn't been himself, and had threatened to leave home. It was my final term at Uni, and i was due to finish at the end of the year. And my reason for calling home at that time was to ask if i should continue my studies for a Masters degree.
It was also the same time that I had my 3 final thesis papers due, I had to chair the OCF meeting that Friday and lead in worship as well. I still can't imagine how i survived that horrendous week! The turmoil of emotions. The hot tears and the impending fears. The disappointment and the hurt. It was like the carpet was yanked from right under my feet. The pillar of my life - a strong family - came crashing down. And i couldn't do a single thing about it. The helplessness.. The hopelessness..
I think I survived solely by God's grace - because of the loving brothers and sisters who came alongside and prayed for me, listened and encouraged me; aunties and uncles who stood with my mum and bro, cared for them and carried them through. They were really God-sent.
When i re-read what i wrote that week, i am amazed at the level of faith God gave to me at that time. "I prayed that the Lord would remind especially the young ones in my cell group that life is not void of troubles. But our God is faithful. Circumstances will rise, even when the things we hold closest to our heart will fail, but the Lord will not fail me. I could only say this is within the Lord's will and He will see me and the whole family through. God is good and on Him alone, can i depend. "
Now, on hindsight, after close to 7 years, I can only testify of God's faithfulness and abounding grace. I came back to Malaysia in Feb 01, dad had left the family right after attending my graduation. I was so worried for mum, and more so, for my bro - who was facing his SPM.
I recall that time when i promised my brother that he would have a chance to study in Australia just like me. And mum and i said we would both work and give tuition to support him. Little did we know how much it would cost!! But thank God! He gave us far more than we could ever ask or imagine.. My brother got excellent results for his SPM and got a scholarship to study in Melb for 5 yrs!!
By God's grace and providence, mum has since moved up to PJ. I came up to KL, met and married a wonderful, handsome and godly guy. (But that's another story altogether!)
I look back and can only say that God has been amazingly gracious. What i thought i had lost - a close-knit family, i gained much more - a closer-knit family who has encountered and experienced God in a very intimate and personal manner.
*Nevertheless, I am continually with thee: thou has holden me by my right hand*Ps73:23
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Purposeful Pain?
Have you ever been through such a difficult situation in your life, a crisis, a deep wound or painful experience that you begged God for help or intervention?
Have you ever wondered why you had to go through the entire tough experience and why God had allowed it to happen to you, His precious child?
Or have you ever, while still in the midst of recovering from the whole trauma, find someone in the exact same situation placed right smack in your path? Have you shook your head, stared up into heaven, wondering if God had done all these on purpose? Did He intentionally allow you to go through the exact same pain just so that you could understand this person, share his/her pain, give hope, and lead them a step closer to God?
I had two very interesting conversations with a couple of younger church members weeks ago, and in the midst of our sharing, we discovered some striking similarities. They were lamenting of some painful experience that they had been going through, and wondered what was God trying to teach them from all these? Was He trying to mould their character? Perhaps. Was He trying to work something in their life? Perhaps. But before they got their answers, God brought people with very very identical experiences into their paths as if for them to minister to.
I challenged these young ones to consider that perhaps, just perhaps, God had allowed them to go through the tough circumstances and painful experiences, so that they would be better able to minister hope and give grace. How many times have we told a grieving one, "I understand how you feel", but not truly meaning what we said?
Having gone through the same pain, an identical hurt and the similar difficulty, one can be the most emphatic and understanding person. More so, having experienced God's grace and hope, we can share peace, speak grace and impart hope to the other person.
Some 3 years ago, I had the opportunity to be chosen to go to the Presbyterian Youth Triennium in US for a month. It was the biggest Presbyterian camp whereby over 5,000 US Presbyterian youth would attend, and at least 100 delegates from all over the world would participate.
As i was chatting with a Korean delegate - in her broken English, she tearfully shared with me her fears - for her father had just left the family. She being the eldest was not sure how she would be able to study, and still help to provide for her family. She doubted God's presence. I could cry with her, simply because I knew how she felt. For i too had experienced that same pain just a couple of years ago!
I told her my story. I kept in touch with her a few months after i returned. Last i heard God provided her a scholarship to study in Uni.
Deep inside, i felt that the pain i had been through was purposeful. If it helped this one girl to go through life with a little more hope. If it helped her live with a little more faith. If it helped her trust God a little bit more. It was worth it. The pain was purposeful.
Have you ever wondered why you had to go through the entire tough experience and why God had allowed it to happen to you, His precious child?
Or have you ever, while still in the midst of recovering from the whole trauma, find someone in the exact same situation placed right smack in your path? Have you shook your head, stared up into heaven, wondering if God had done all these on purpose? Did He intentionally allow you to go through the exact same pain just so that you could understand this person, share his/her pain, give hope, and lead them a step closer to God?
I had two very interesting conversations with a couple of younger church members weeks ago, and in the midst of our sharing, we discovered some striking similarities. They were lamenting of some painful experience that they had been going through, and wondered what was God trying to teach them from all these? Was He trying to mould their character? Perhaps. Was He trying to work something in their life? Perhaps. But before they got their answers, God brought people with very very identical experiences into their paths as if for them to minister to.
I challenged these young ones to consider that perhaps, just perhaps, God had allowed them to go through the tough circumstances and painful experiences, so that they would be better able to minister hope and give grace. How many times have we told a grieving one, "I understand how you feel", but not truly meaning what we said?
Having gone through the same pain, an identical hurt and the similar difficulty, one can be the most emphatic and understanding person. More so, having experienced God's grace and hope, we can share peace, speak grace and impart hope to the other person.
Some 3 years ago, I had the opportunity to be chosen to go to the Presbyterian Youth Triennium in US for a month. It was the biggest Presbyterian camp whereby over 5,000 US Presbyterian youth would attend, and at least 100 delegates from all over the world would participate.
As i was chatting with a Korean delegate - in her broken English, she tearfully shared with me her fears - for her father had just left the family. She being the eldest was not sure how she would be able to study, and still help to provide for her family. She doubted God's presence. I could cry with her, simply because I knew how she felt. For i too had experienced that same pain just a couple of years ago!
I told her my story. I kept in touch with her a few months after i returned. Last i heard God provided her a scholarship to study in Uni.
Deep inside, i felt that the pain i had been through was purposeful. If it helped this one girl to go through life with a little more hope. If it helped her live with a little more faith. If it helped her trust God a little bit more. It was worth it. The pain was purposeful.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
A year older, a year wiser?
I love birthdays. Especially when it’s not mine. *wink*
My all-time favourite is planning birthday surprises. I get all tickled just imagining the whole event unfolding in my head. From hand-crafted cards , to specially-wrapped presents, to planning birthday parties. I guess cos I’ve always been so blessed to be surrounded by loved ones and to have more than one birthday celebration, and I just assume that everyone else should also have a wonderful and meaningful birthday celebration..
When it comes to my own, however, I would somehow switch into a melancholic mode of serious reflection about life, purpose and calling. I'd call it Pre-birthday blues.. Haha.. Maybe it has to do with age playing catch-up game. I really don’t feel like I’m in my LATE-twenties, but the birthdate seem to confirm it, and so does my IC.
This year, I decided to do a stock-take of my life. What have i achieved? What have i done with the 365 days God has given to me? Or 28 years for that matter?
I am blessed to have had the opportunity to serve Him in Awana Club in the past 5 years, and now to take a sabbatical rest. The past few months have been a refreshing time-out for me. I had expected it to be a blissful time of rest and relaxation. Instead, it has been a time of discovery and adventure.. Taking roads I've never travelled before.
I've had the opportunity to dabble in things i never imagined possible. Like photography. And song-writing. Now that has been amazing. I believe it started as a challenge from YY. And before i knew it, a bunch of us were writing songs for the church, as our praise to the Lord.
As I had expressed in one of the songs i wrote, Faithful God, God has truly been faithful to me and my family. In every phase of my personal life, it's as if God has been choreographing my life into a tapestry, weaving events and circumstances, people and places to teach me and mould me into the person He wants me to be. I look back, and i'm in amazement at how He's led me thus far, and i cannot cease thanking Him for His faithful providence and blessings.
I know He's definitely not done with me yet; I guess I have another 365 days ahead to look forward to all that God has in store for me...
My all-time favourite is planning birthday surprises. I get all tickled just imagining the whole event unfolding in my head. From hand-crafted cards , to specially-wrapped presents, to planning birthday parties. I guess cos I’ve always been so blessed to be surrounded by loved ones and to have more than one birthday celebration, and I just assume that everyone else should also have a wonderful and meaningful birthday celebration..
When it comes to my own, however, I would somehow switch into a melancholic mode of serious reflection about life, purpose and calling. I'd call it Pre-birthday blues.. Haha.. Maybe it has to do with age playing catch-up game. I really don’t feel like I’m in my LATE-twenties, but the birthdate seem to confirm it, and so does my IC.
This year, I decided to do a stock-take of my life. What have i achieved? What have i done with the 365 days God has given to me? Or 28 years for that matter?
I am blessed to have had the opportunity to serve Him in Awana Club in the past 5 years, and now to take a sabbatical rest. The past few months have been a refreshing time-out for me. I had expected it to be a blissful time of rest and relaxation. Instead, it has been a time of discovery and adventure.. Taking roads I've never travelled before.
I've had the opportunity to dabble in things i never imagined possible. Like photography. And song-writing. Now that has been amazing. I believe it started as a challenge from YY. And before i knew it, a bunch of us were writing songs for the church, as our praise to the Lord.
As I had expressed in one of the songs i wrote, Faithful God, God has truly been faithful to me and my family. In every phase of my personal life, it's as if God has been choreographing my life into a tapestry, weaving events and circumstances, people and places to teach me and mould me into the person He wants me to be. I look back, and i'm in amazement at how He's led me thus far, and i cannot cease thanking Him for His faithful providence and blessings.
I know He's definitely not done with me yet; I guess I have another 365 days ahead to look forward to all that God has in store for me...
Thursday, May 03, 2007
A step into the unknown
I had always loved writing. I've even secretly wished and hoped to someday publish my own biography - a collection of my journey of faith, of my thoughts and moments of reflection. With much persuasion from my CG girls, plus having been a regular 'follower' of their blogs, I have been very blessed to read their 'thoughts' and be a part of their lives. In my 28 years, I had never been tech-savvy, so this is quite an achievement.
As I step into the world of the 'blogging', my hope and desire is that this blog will be a blessing, an encouragement, an inspiration, and one that will turn people to Christ.
Why Selah Moment? I recently came across a book called Selah by Nancie Carmichael. It reminds people to take a moment to stop, think, and step into our future. I'd always seen the word Selah in Italics in my Bible. It was only recently that i realised the significance of it. It was as if, the psalmist had put it there, to indicate a pause. A rest. A short time-out, before continuing his praise and adoration for God.
In the movie Music of the Heart, a 1999 movie based on a true-life story, Meryl Streep starred as a tireless East Harlem violin teacher Roberta Guaspari. In one of the scenes, she was teaching the students the significance of a pause, to have a brief moment of complete and utter silence. During the performance, the sudden silence in the middle of the song took the audience by surprise. They waited full of curiosity, anticipation and suspense. That brief moment of silence, followed by the ending stanza made the rest of the song sound more meaningful, more complete, and richer.
I believe brief moments of 'pauses' in life have a similar effect on us. It gives us time to reflect, to take count of what we have done with who we are, and what we have been given. These 'Selah moments' help us consider the purpose in which God has created us, and His plans for us. As we realise the hand of God upon our lives, we live our lives more purposefully, with a greater sense of calling and gratitude.
As I step into the world of the 'blogging', my hope and desire is that this blog will be a blessing, an encouragement, an inspiration, and one that will turn people to Christ.
Why Selah Moment? I recently came across a book called Selah by Nancie Carmichael. It reminds people to take a moment to stop, think, and step into our future. I'd always seen the word Selah in Italics in my Bible. It was only recently that i realised the significance of it. It was as if, the psalmist had put it there, to indicate a pause. A rest. A short time-out, before continuing his praise and adoration for God.
In the movie Music of the Heart, a 1999 movie based on a true-life story, Meryl Streep starred as a tireless East Harlem violin teacher Roberta Guaspari. In one of the scenes, she was teaching the students the significance of a pause, to have a brief moment of complete and utter silence. During the performance, the sudden silence in the middle of the song took the audience by surprise. They waited full of curiosity, anticipation and suspense. That brief moment of silence, followed by the ending stanza made the rest of the song sound more meaningful, more complete, and richer.
I believe brief moments of 'pauses' in life have a similar effect on us. It gives us time to reflect, to take count of what we have done with who we are, and what we have been given. These 'Selah moments' help us consider the purpose in which God has created us, and His plans for us. As we realise the hand of God upon our lives, we live our lives more purposefully, with a greater sense of calling and gratitude.
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