Selah Moment

New Year 2011!

2011-01-03T15:08:00.002+08:00

Blessed Christmas & a Wonderful New Year to you! =)

This Christmas & New year is extra special to me & YY as we have Euan to celebrate with.

Each year, our cg has a tradition on New Year's eve where we meet up for a time of thanksgiving and reflection, and of course, feasting & drinking in merriment. The best part?? =) the cg guys get to cook/buy food for the girls. =)

As we sat together during sharing, i could't help but have a deep sense of gratitude as i listened to each cg member share of God's goodness and faithfulness in their lives. As we looked back a year ago, it was a difficult time, with a cloud of sombre mood as we shared in our dear sister Phylli's anxiety and worry over the lymphoma cancer. This year, we as a cg, and a s a family had so so much to thank God for.

Phylli has been given the all-clear. We have 3 new additions to the cg - Baby Euan, Baby Athalie & Baby Elizabeth - all precious little miracles from the Lord; and one more on the way. =) We had new cg members joining us for wonderful fellowship. As i was cradling Euan to sleep, it dawned on me that God has been truly gracious and faithful to us.

Blessed New Year, may it be filled with His favour and blessings! =)
Much love!

Euan's 3-6 months

2010-12-07T15:30:00.008+08:00

Time has sped by so quickly, although i get the awesome privilege to be home with Euan, i still often find myself wishing that time would somehow stand still for a moment for me to savour each & every precious moment with him.

Euan's a very lovable boy, with a great temperament. Except for the occasional crankiness, it's been thoroughly enjoyable to watch his funny antics and his incredible development everyday. I cannot help but thank God as i see my little boy grow each day.

Here's a short record of his developmental milestones - more for me to remember than anything else. =)

Euan's 3rd Month..

Power stares. Intent eyes. Billion dollar toothless smiles. Lotsa warm Giggles and contagious Chuckles. Mini routines : Milk time. Sleepy time. Milk time. Play time. Milk time. Bath time. Milk time. Sleep time. Milk time. Play time. Milk time.. =))

You wake up to greet each morning with your gorgeous signature billion dollar smile. For several days, u woke up early just to give daddy a good morning-and-have a fantastic day smile before he went to work! I'm certain that just made his day! =)

Euan's 4th Month..

Book reading/word staring.. Play with puppet (Tamby's your current favourite).. Loving music and songs especially when daddy's serenading songs on his guitar..

1st tummy rollover.. 1st 1ft crawl.. Backstroke swims on the wooden floor.. Bouncing/ standing up on our laps..

Whimsical laughs as if we cracked the funniest jokes.. More free toothless smiles.. More teary cries too..

Went for short holiday trips to Ipoh & Melaka with the CG. =)

Daddy bought u a new car (literally) so that we can fit everything in and sit more comfortably. =)

Euan's 5th Month..

Chicken Pox. Whimpering.. Crying when taking medicine.. Spots disappeared in 4days! woohoo!!

Teething.. Chewing every finger/everything/every toy's nose/cheek in sight..

Learning to flip over and turning round and round. Bum arches at diaper changing time.. Playing in the walker.. Making urgh-urghh sounds to mean stand up and walk..

This month, Grandma fell and fractured her shoulder. She's missed carrying you so much. And you were most likely wondering why she stopped carrying you and stopped making you clap your hands.. =(

Euan's 6th Month

Zooming around in your new walker which Grandma bought for you.. Chasing us down the living hall.. Lifting up your arms to mean carry me up! =) Excellent coordination in your walker.. You can make u-turns and side turns and maneuvre to come to us- wherever we are. =)

Saying ang-goo-goo to mean carry me up and walk. =)

Turning to look at us when we call your name, Euan Chu. =)

Eating solids and loving rice cereals with milk. And smacking your lips whenever mummy / daddy are having our meals. A true Gao-Chiak Jr member. =)

Love Letter to Euan (IV)

2010-10-06T12:14:00.004+08:00

Written on 31st August 2010 (and updated several times since)

To my darling Euan,

A little summary of our 2nd month adventure! Yeah, life sure has been a wonderful and amazing adventure with you.. So much discoveries and fun experiences.. =)

More mamak trips..

More dinners at shopping malls in Subang vicinity..
Hmm.. everytime we go for dinners, the waiters are bound to admire you in your pram. If daddy's carrying you in the Ergo sling, well, the passersby will be admiring tough daddy and gorgeous baby..

Outstation Trips .. We celebrated your 2nd month in Melaka. It was fun. We took u to all our favourite makan stops and also to our must-see A Famosa. Well, we forgot it was full of steps and so daddy had a great work out CARRYing ur pram up A Famosa, and mummy carried you. Only to realise on the way down, that there's a pathway to push you all the way down. Anyways, it helped work out a good appetite for Nyonya food afterward.

We also went for our CG retreat to Ipoh. All the aunties helped watch over you.. and Koko Andrew and Jiejie Caitlyn had fun greeting you every morning and making sure you had sufficient kisses through the day! =) We introduced you to some lovely animals in Taiping Night Zoo, but not sure if you could recognise them in the dark. We'll visit them again someday, ya?

Noisy neighbour's reno.. Hmm.. you've been startled quite a lot with the drilling and hammering. But thank you, for being such a patient baby. =)

And finally, the highlight of this month is, you give out billion dollar toothless smiles!! Dunno where you learnt it, but every single heart has melted just looking at your smile. =)

Keep 'em coming! =)

Love you, darling!

Love Letter to Euan (III)

2010-09-18T17:49:00.007+08:00

Written on 18th July 2010

To my darling Euan.

Wow, you're one month old already! On one hand, it feels like just yesterday tt you were still squirming in my womb, and yet on the other hand, it feels like you've been with us for ages! =)

All in all, it's been a real adventure this past month!

Thank God for Grandma had 2 whole weeks of college holidays, so she could cook confinement food for mummy whilst we were in hospital and help with marketing. Then Aunty Esther, the confinement lady came for 2 weeks (well, she had a mini holiday while with us - cos mummy wanted to take care of you at night), then Ah ma was here for a week! and now, mummy & daddy have had the blessing of finally learning to take care of you ourselves. Well, we're still learning, boy, so do forgive us when we are slow to wear your diapers, or clumsy in carrying you from the bath tub, or your pet peeve - taking too long to put on your rompers. Mummy often wishes that we were in the movie I Dream of Jeannie - then i can fold my arms, close my eyes and wish, and voila(!) you're cleaned, dressed and all ready.

Mummy's super pleased to lose most of the preggy weight and fats with Kak Nani's uruts, and also the soothing relief from the aches. =) However, breastfeeding you has been quite a teary ordeal. Mummy's tried all concoctions recommended - from green papaya soups, fenugreek seeds, milk maid teas, horlicks.. but none seem sufficient. *Sigh* If you've seen mummy crying, well, it's not your fault. Mummy made a goal to breastfeed you for a whole year, and well.. let's just say, we'll take each day at a time, ya? But thank you, darling for being ever so patient. =)

Your jaundice episode was quite a scare for us. Phototherapies and weekly visits to the paed, and heartwrenching pricks on your sole and hands were quite a bit to swallow.

On the other hand, we were surprised and shocked when you first chuckled in your sleep.. then it was something we looked forward to.. which made both me & daddy chuckle too. We just assume it's dreams of milk and honey.. =)

Btw, we brought u for your first mamak outing. =) You wowed the waiters all with ur adorable face and eyes. Also your first movie - Despicable Me. Well, you slept and suckled through the movie.. but nonetheless.. it's still your first movie. =) Your first grocery shopping with grandma to carrefour. Hmm.. Everyone stopped and stared at the sling mummy carried you in. I think they were wondering what a nice bag i was carrying then realised there was a baby (!) in it. Your first party for your fullmoon at grandma's place. Your first visit to church the next day. You slept through worship and suckled through the sermon. And then sat with Koko/Uncle Daniel in front of the drums for your first drums, guitar and piano crash course. =) And then you attended your first cg at Uncle BK's place. Koko Andrew was very protective of you and had fun watching over you, i think. But you slept through the discussions and only woke up to join us for supper. =)

Told you it was quite an adventure! =) Love you, darling!

Love Letter to Euan (II)

2010-09-16T15:50:00.002+08:00

Written on 15th June 2010

To my darling Euan

Words simply cannot describe the overwhelming joy and sense of relief to have you finally (!) in our arms.

The delivery has been long and tiring, but the sheer joy of holding you in our arms after the long 17 hours of labour is simply amazing.

Thank God for His hand upon you and mummy through out the labour and delivery. Dr Boon Nee and the midwives were so great, and encouraging. Daddy was wonderful too, he kept on encouraging mummy through out the whole process.

You are simply beautiful. I had a shock this morning when the nurse wheeled you in for me to nurse you. All these while, your eyes have been closed, opening just a slight bit to look at us and your face has been rather puffy. But early this morning, you opened your gorgeous big eyes and stared right at me. I had to ask the nurse if you were really my son. How hilarious, now as i think of it. =)

You have a beautiful cry. Almost as if you're singing. =)

In short, we thank God for such a beautiful, adorable little baby.

We love you, little darling.

Love Letter to Euan (I)

2010-09-16T15:10:00.003+08:00

Written on 11th June 2010

To my darling Euan

Mummy's writing this as you are still happily squirming inside my womb. You are now 37 and a half weeks, and will be born in 3 days time, unless you want to make an early suprise appearance.

Someday, you'll read this - it's my love letter to you.

As your name conveys, you are a gracious gift of God to both me & daddy. We've prayed and hoped for a child for 3 and a half long years. And God has answered our prayers and given you to us. In a matter of days, i'm going to see you face to face, and i'm just so excited beyond words, the feeling seems surreal.

From the first time we saw your heartbeat, to seeing your little hands and feet swimming, to watching your skeleton grow into a chubby little baby boy with a cute buttony nose, and then seeing your little "manhood" (well, actually daddy had a strong inkling that you were a boy, even before dr boon nee confirmed it). My all time favourite was to feel your kicks as early as 4 months. At first, i wasn't sure what that was, but as it grew stronger over the weeks, it soon became something i looked forward to every day. Up to now. You're a strong boy, with strong legs, and we thank God for His hand on you.

Mummy can't wait to carry, cuddle and kiss you. Am sure you'll grow into a strong, adorable, lovable and wonderful boy. You are the best gift we could ever ask from God.

We love you, little darling.

In just a matter of days..

2010-06-10T17:20:00.006+08:00

It has been an exciting journey of 9 months..

God has been truly good. Each trimester has had it's anxieties, but each trimester has taught us much about trust and faith in a mighty God - the God who creates, who gives and who sustains life.

As i approach these last few days of pregnancy, and look forward expectantly to Euan's birth, I cannot help but feel a sense of awe of the God that i worship. I had just bought a sticker photo album to keep Euan's ultrasound scans from the time he was just a few weeks old to the latest 34 week scan. Tears flow gratefully as i admire how he's grown, the intricacies of it all
- the flickers of his heartbeat
- seeing his head, little hands and feet swimming
- seeing his little "manhood" hence confirming he's a boy! =)
- feeling his first nudges
- feeling his strong football kicks
- feeling his hiccups
- seeing his chubby cheeks and round little tummy
- feeling his rolls and squirms
- listening to his "horse-gallop heartbeats" on the cardiotopograph
... I am just so amazed that all these were happening while i ate, slept and moved around.
From a tiny speck - the size of a rice grain, to a 3+kg baby residing happily in my womb, only God can create such an amazing thing.

It's taken 9 months for God to prepare Euan for this world, and it's taken 9 months for God to prepare us for Euan. =) Thank You, Lord.

*Euan, both me & ur daddy are so looking forward to welcoming you into our lives, into our family, into our home. Father God has been so gracious to give you to us, and so we will look to Him to love you, to take care of you and nurture you in the best way we can. Be seeing you on Monday, little darling! =)

Tribute to Mum

2010-05-10T11:50:00.006+08:00

As i soon enter the phase and season of motherhood, i have gained a far deeper appreciation and gratitude for my mum. For one, unlike the technology we have nowadays, she had to go thru a lot more pain in childbirth to deliver me then. And then whilst growing up, i wasn't exactly the sweetest, most adorably cherubic girl on the block. A mini-debater at home, I had a fairly quick mind and a sharp tongue, and i think i had often hurt her feelings with tactless words and hurtful comments up to my teenage years..

Mum had gone thru so much to take care of both me & my brother. She was a great teacher, so she continued in her teaching profession to provide for both me & my bro. But she always made sure she cooked, washed and cleaned the house for all of us - so we'd be well-fed, well nourished, well-taken care of and living comfortably in our home. I think that was harder than staying home to take care of us. She had much to juggle, but she did both her calling as a teacher and as a mother excellently.

Our faith in Christ has been passed on by mum - from the early days of our childhood, when she would sit with both of us, with a little red handwritten book of songs, and a bible, and a hymn book, and later, the SOP & SOK (*for those who know what that is, and how it looks like). She'd tell us stories, she'd sing us songs, she'd pray for us. And my personal favourite, while she cooks, she'd always be singing her favourite songs - What a friend i have in Jesus and Amazing Grace. I used to tease mum that those were her cooking songs. =) But now, having left home for so many years, i miss listening to mum sing while she cooks. Nowadays, when she cooks whilst i'm around, we're talking endlessly. =)

Even when dad had left, mum continued to hold the fort and encourage us and love us endlessly. The days were tough. And coming back to small town BP was a huge adjustment. I still remember our saturday nasi lemak and lontong breakfasts and lunches, and loving car rides because i just didn't feel like driving on the saturdays to work. And later, when i moved to KL, mum would tapau our favourite food and take the 4 hour long taxi rides to KL to be with us every single weekend. Often we'd get the chance to savour frozen durians wrapped in 3 layers of newspaper in airtight boxes. =)

Now as she soon enters a new phase of life, as a grandmother, i am so blessed because I know Euan will be greatly loved and blessed by her love and faith. =)

Thanks, mum, for all you've done.
Thanks, mum, for all the sacrifices made.
A million "Thanks" can never suffice.
A billion "I Love yous" will never be enough.
But nevertheless,
for all the ceaseless prayers uttered,
for the beautiful songs sung,
for the bedtime stories told,
for the faith inspiring emails (esp when i was studying)
for the delicious food cooked,
for the uniforms ironed, the clothes washed,
for the legacy of faith you've shared and passed on to us,
for believing in us,
for encouraging us and spurring us on
for correcting us when we were wrong or rude
for teaching us and nurturing us the right things to do
for lovingly forgiving us when we were so wrong, and never holding any grudges or any remembrance of the things we've done,
for patiently watching the Sound of Music over and over and over and over again with me,
for the many Barbie dolls, the Carebear toys, and the swimming lessons,
for the pretty frocks and nice shiny shoes,
THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU from the bottom of my heart.
In more ways than you will ever know, you've shown me grace and reflected Christ.
Thanks, mum, for your love, and
for everything and more.

My Birthday Prayer

2010-05-07T16:33:00.003+08:00

Dear Lord,

Thank You for all the blessings You've poured in my life. I don't think i can ever find the words to thank You enough. This year, I'm exceptionally grateful, for Your gift of Euan to both YY and me. It's been a birthday wish and prayer for many years. And with each day and week, as we "see" him grow strong and healthy in my womb, anticipation and excitement builds to the day we will welcome him to our home.

Lord, we are deeply grateful for this child. I used to wonder when the day would come, when i would be able to say like Hannah in the bible, "For this child i prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which i asked of Him." Now as i utter it to You, it comes with a profound sense of gratitude, etched deep within my heart, knowing and experiencing Your faithfulness.

The journey ahead is not an easy one, i know, but by Your grace, O Lord, my birthday prayer this year and the many years to come is that You will help me be a great mother. As Ah Di wrote in his card for me, "He who has given you this child is well able to take care of him." And with that in my heart, I entrust and dedicate Euan to You, Lord - the mighty God who has answered my prayers. And Lord, Euan's name will always be a reminder to me & YY that he is a gracious gift from You.

Thank You for Your love to me. Thank You for Your grace so free.
Amen.

Jitters..

2010-04-20T12:11:00.002+08:00

Is there such a thing as motherhood jitters, i wonder?

As Euan's due date draws nearer, i find myself increasingly nervous abt his upcoming grand entrance into this world. Don't get me wrong, i'm absolutely and extremely excited abt finally seeing him, having felt his kicks, and responses to songs and drum beats.

Somehow in the corner at the back of my mind, i wonder if i'll be a good mummy.. would i know how to take care of the little one all by myself.. would i be able to feed him well.. No amount of books and reading seem sufficient..

Well, my consolation is, we all learn along the way.. and by God's grace and solely with His help, Euan will be a happy and joyful baby. =)

Getting too mummified?

2010-04-13T14:43:00.003+08:00

I think tt i'm getting too maternal these days when
- i started naming the little bat which hangs upside down outside my front patio Betty. But YY preferred Baley (after Christian Bale from Batman). Come to think of it, it might be male. =P
- i thought tt the little rat that dashed out from an empty flower pot was cute.
- i start explaining to the little squirrel in my backyard which got startled by me tt i was merely hanging my clothes, and not harming him in anyway.
- i started looking out for Baley everytime i leave my house, and assume he's gone for a honeymoon when he was missing for a week.
- i realised tt Baley has grown taller and fatter since the past 2 months of seeking refuge in my patio roof.
- a mother cat sat by my feet whilst i was having lunch at a foodcourt and i just let her be.

No, i'm not keeping a zoo in my house / backyard. But i think it's all the anticipation of Euan's birth that i find my maternal instincts kicking in far more than it used to. =)

A chubby little Euan at 28weeks =)

2010-04-05T14:34:00.002+08:00

Photo Scan: Little Euan at 28 weeks.. His face is on the left and facing upwards. His little fingers (the small floret above) probably about to go into his mouth. And his tummy on the right of the scan. He sure is getting chubbier! =)

It's amazing and delightful every time we go for the monthly antenatal scans to "see" Euan. But more so now as he puts on weight and not look so 'alien-ish' anymore. Doc says Euan's putting on a little more weight than he should, but I'm still doing fine. Gotta cut my carbs, but i keep getting hungry.. So will have to work out a good balance of nutrients going in. =)

We thank God that He has truly seen us through the past 2 trimesters and now we're at this final trimester. Excitement is mounting as we so look forward to the day to welcome little Euan into this world and into our home and family. There are anxieties and fears too regarding labor and delivery, but I'm confident that God has carried me thus far.. He'll carry me through it all. =)

Thank you for always praying for us. =)

Little Note from Little Euan.. =)

2010-04-02T13:11:00.003+08:00

Hi, aunties & uncles..

I overheard some of you asking Mummy what I will be needing when I make my grand appearance in June.

Well, before you buy me anything, let me tell u a secret..

Because Mummy & Daddy have waited a very very long time for me to come along, they got pretty excited, (and so did my Grandmas and Grandpa, my Ah ku & Ah kim and also my Er ku and San ku). So guess what, they’ve bought me all the big stuffs already! Even my bedroom and playroom according to Mummy, are super cool! In fact, I think Mummy likes hanging out in my playroom more than her own bedroom. You have to come visit sometime. At least before I learn how to mess it up.. =)

Anyways, if you’re still thinking of getting me something to welcome me, well, toys would be super duper great. Mummy and Daddy haven’t bought me a single toy. Most of my stuff toys are their own. =P I think they keep forgetting that I’m a boy, and I don’t really do stuff bears. So, it’d be nice to get some cool toys like those from Fisher Price or Lamaze. Heard these stuff can help make my brain even smarter. But best to check with Mummy first. I think she knows best. ;)

As for clothes, well, like I said, Mummy’s gone all out to buy me some nice baby clothes. Plus Aunty Min from Singapore got me some, and Aunty Eileen & Aunty Shirene gave me some of Koko Andrew & Koko River’s clothes. But if you really really wanna dress me up, remember, I wanna look cool (even cooler than daddy). So clothes from 9months onwards would be great. =) Remember, I wanna look cool. So that when Mummy or Aunty Phylli takes my photos, I’ll be the handsomest boy on the block. =)

But more than anything else, I’m just looking forward to seeing all of you. Mummy says many uncles and aunties, granduncles and grandaunties have been praying for me even before Father God made me. So, thank you – your prayers are more precious than anything else in the world. =)

A strand of fur

2010-03-31T19:39:00.009+08:00

Interestingly, i found a strand of fur yesterday on a towel after a shower. It was brown and black and beige stripey in colour.. Guess who it belonged to? Yeah our little Mylo. Haha.. well, she's not so little anymore, and she doesn't live with us anymore. At least not for the past 4 months.

But oh.. we sure miss that little bundle. We took Mylo in as a little kitten May last year when she was only 3 months old. A frail tiny fella, curious abt the dangerous world she lived in, brave enough to stay in the little cardboard box we rescued her in, unlike her sisters and brothers who made a dash and leapt out of the box before we reached the car. We named this little bundle Mylo cos we found her at our favourite mamak place, whilst having our favourite Milo Ice Kau-Kau. =)

From the start, Mylo was evidently pampered. She had her own poo tray, her basket to sleep in, yummy food, and baby milk powder, and was basically the princess in the house within weeks of staying with us. In fact, whatever toys she took a liking to, was hers after a lick. Neither YY nor I were cat lovers, so imagine the shock on our family and friends' faces when we told them we've adopted a kitten!

The 6 months she stayed with us, she won our hearts with her "manja" 2 minute i-will-trail-you-wherever-you-go behaviour and her sharp hunting skills, she often displayed her trophies of lizards and spiders and even a 3 inch long centipede. For 2 short minutes upon seeing us, she would treat us like we're the favourite people in her life, and then she'd leave us on our own for the rest of the day.

When we first let her roam (after she was fully toilet trained) she used to come up to our rooms at 6am in the morning to mew and wake us up for her food. We soon had to keep her in the kitchen for the night. But nonetheless the entire house was her territory throughout the day when we were at work. She'd frequently sleep in our master room (that girl had good taste for the coolest and cosiest spots) and when i was expecting, she often joined me for my long afternoon naps.

Mum was her 3rd favourite person. Yup, you heard it right, mum - who was a non-animal lover also took to this little fella who could recognise both mum's voice and mum's car sound. So she'd sit at the top of my sofa and purr when she sees mum coming through the front gate and wait for her behind the door.

We're glad Mylo's now safe and sound and well taken care of by her new adopted family. In fact, she now looks like a Garfield. =) But we miss her especially in the first few weeks, we'd wish to see her sitting by the top of the sofa to greet us, or behind the door waiting for us, or her famous puss-in-boots eyes cum shake her bum-bum stance and also her hide-and-seek & pounce-on-you & hug-ur-leg stance when we come down the stairs in the morning. I miss seeing YY hold Mylo and do the Boom-Boom dance whilst i was the in the kitchen. It was heartwarming in a way.

We're often thankful for the experience of taking care of Mylo. In a small way, i think it kinda prepared us for parenthood. To have something so fragile depend on you for food, for shelter, for protection, etc.

It's funny how a strand of fur can trigger such memories..

Pics Clockwise:

1st collage: The early days of Mylo from her 2nd day with us, to her getting her first bell collar, see how big it was around her, and the puss-in-boots eyes before the pounce. =)

2nd collage: Hiding out in my camera bag, her sleeping positions 1 & 2, looking out the window for her boyfriend whom i had disapproved of, sleeping comfortably with me and getting a nice cuddly massage. =)

Thank You, Lord..

2010-03-12T13:07:00.004+08:00

It's been ages since i last put my thoughts into this blog. Guess it's about time.. =)

Much has happened since the last i blogged. And there's just so much to thank God for.

For one, I have since conceived, and am now expecting a 24week baby boy, whom we've decided to name Euan (pronounced Yoo-ann) which means gracious gift of God. For truly, he is a gift from God.

Just the other day, i was clearing up my room (in preparation for Euan's arrival - whilst i'm still very energetic these days), i found a receipt of the test kit purchased. Even that little piece of paper was able to move me to tears. Tears of thankfulness. Because it reminded me of the many many negative test kits i've seen. And the 3 and a half years of long wait and prayers - that God may grant me the desire to be a mummy.

Even as i write this, i know of many sisters who are trying to have children of their own or have recently experienced miscarriage. I fully emphatise with them. The long wait is torturous, few can imagine. Losing a baby is even worse. The feelings of hopes dashed and joys shortlived can be devastating.

However, only God is our strength and refuge. This gift of Euan is a reminder to me (and hopefully to these sisters as well) that God is ever faithful, and He WILL fulfill the promises made in His time.

I have another 4 months to go before i get to see little Euan but with each kick and move he makes, i am reminded and thankful for this little gift of life.

Thank You, Lord.

PS: Thank you to the many wonderful people who've always been praying for us, and for encouraging us to keep looking to the Lord every step of the way. We're forever grateful for you. =)

Grateful

2009-07-18T15:11:00.007+08:00

I'm deeply grateful for brothers and sisters to walk this tough journey alongside with me.

At each valley of my life, i have been blessed with faithful friends who have come alongside to love, to uphold, to carry and to pray for me.

Many have asked, " so how are you feeling?" Well, i'd be honest, it has been very tough, exceedingly painful emotionally.

Our hearts still ache. The worst days were probably the first few days, it was overwhelming grief, and wrenching anguish. It is better now that we have surrendered it all to the Lord, but nevertheless, it still aches deep inside. More so because YY & I had prayed for a child for the past 3 long years. It wasn't just having our dreams and our hopes broken and dashed. It was losing a child- a precious, hopeful one. It was sudden and it was devastating.

Those who have lost someone precious and dear to them would understand. Imagine having someone so very precious to you, and losing this someone so suddenly, without having a chance to ever pour more of your love on this side of heaven to that someone. I know that to some, it's just an 9 week old foetus. But to us, it was a child prayed for, a child given and a child loved. Even for that short 9 weeks (for us it was 5 weeks of delight and joy), our hearts had been won over as we saw growth and the beating heart.

We don't know if the wounds will ever heal, or if our tears will ever run dry. But we're grateful for the hopeful and blessed assurance that our baby's in heaven. And someday we'll see her (or him).

Let me share with you a song that has been a comfort to me and YY.

Song: I Have A Maker (By Tommy Walker)

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in His hands

Chorus:
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

Thank you for your love. Thank you for ur prayers. We covet them more than ever before.

Xin En - Heart held by grace

2009-07-17T11:27:00.004+08:00

June and July - have been two months that has had the greatest delights and the deepest anguish a heart can feel in possibly a lifetime.

At this moment, as i ponder and reflect on the events of the past weeks, of the huge tumultous waves one after another, i think it best to journal everything that had taken place. I pray that these be stones of reminder that some day i can look back and be reminded that through it all God was with me, carrying me and holding me close to His heart. His strength never failed. His mercies new each morning. His faithfulness never ceasing.

1st-4th June - travel to Bangkok for training. Kept craving for tomyam soups. Must be the place. Think lemongrass. Think yummy tom yam.
6th-10th June - Travel to HK for meeting. Had superb appetite.
12th June - Back at home. Did Pregnancy test. Was surprised to see the positive result.
14th June - Went to see gynae. Could see the sac, but couldn't detect heartbeat yet, probably due to fetus still being small. But blood test confirmed pregnancy.
21st June - Went for 2nd check up. Could see baby's strong heartbeat. Amazing!
22nd June - Celebrated Father's Day for YY.
4th July - Went for 3rd check up. Baby's heart beat strong and robust.
7th July - Had slight bleeding. Rested in bed. Went to see gynae at noon. Everyone shocked and horrified that no heartbeat detected. Did 3 scans. Came home. Cried buckets. Never felt so shocked and disappointed before.
8th July - Went to another gynae for 2nd opinion. Did 2 scans. Still no heartbeat. Came home. Cried buckets some more. But decided to pray for God to work a miracle.
14th July - Went for check up with gynae again. Did scan. Still no heartbeat. We were so sad. But we surrendered it all to God. He knows best. But was still feeling so devastated, so lost. My heart ached so deeply - the worst i had ever felt my entire life. I cried the whole night. The tears just wouldn't stop flowing. The heart just wouldn't stop aching.
15th July - I woke up with swollen eyes and an aching heart. Just when i thought all tears had been dried up, i cried some more. I bled a bit more. Arranged for a D&C surgery the next day.
16th July - I went for surgery. Fearful. Not knowing what to expect. But trusting God for a painless & peaceful experience (physical & emotional). Drs were great. Nurses were great. Surgery went well. Came home. Heart still aching, but a quiet peace resides within. As we prayed before i slept last night, we decided to name our baby Xin En.

Xin because it means heart. En because it means grace. Though her (or his) heart has stopped, but we had the privilege and blessing of seeing her heartbeat. And in Jeremiah 1:5, it says "before i formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you.". And in Ps 139: 13 "For You formed my inward parts, You covered me in my mother's womb." God is her maker. God knows her name. Because we have prayed for her, and commited her to the Lord, we have the blessed assurance of knowing that baby Xin En is with her maker in Heaven.

I don't know if my heart will ever stop aching. It is so very painful to lose a child- one whom we have prayed for for so long, and finally had the blessing to conceive and had been so delighted to carry even for the few short weeks.

But i am so thankful that even in these moments of grief and deep anguish, God has so graciously carried both me & YY through, with His strength, His comfort and His peace.

* We are thankful for family and friends who have been praying for us, with us, and blessing us through this time. We thank God for you.

Surreal yet real

2009-05-03T15:48:00.004+08:00

I think there's something about birthdays and getting old that makes people get into that reflective mood. For me, it is surreal. It feels like just a short while ago that i was celebrating my 25th birthday.. and now, i'm hitting the big 3. Wow.. and ooh.. at the same time..

i frequently tell YY how i think i'm in mid-life crisis as the "date" approaches. I guess with the time that has passed, i wonder what have i done with the years and the time that has been given to me. Has it been one that God looks at and can say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant."? That is my aim and hope.

i recently wrote a song entitled NO REGRETS. See Eugene has wonderfully put in the music for the song. The song is about life - so short, so brief, so temporal. Surely, God has saved us for a reason, redeemed us for a purpose, and rescued us for a mission and plan. And so, it implores us to look beyond the here and now, and to desire and yearn for something greater, something higher and something deeper - to live this life fully, with no regrets.

2.0years of blogosphere

2009-05-03T15:34:00.003+08:00

Today marks the 2nd year of this blog. I know, i know, so very many of you have been asking me if this blog has died, or is merely sleeping. My thousand apologies .. I've been so busy, i hadn't had the chance to read any blogs, more so to write in mine. haha..

It's amazing to think that so much has changed in the past 2 years! Change at work.. change in ministry.. friends who've come into our lives.. and those who have moved away.. With all these, i am frequently reminded of just how blessed my life has been with all these experiences.

Sporting a new look, and a fresh new ambition, i hope to resume sharing my life and my experiences via blogging again after this. =)

May this blog continue to be a blessing to all who drop by for a read. =))

God bless.

Can i celebrate Christmas?..please??

2008-12-26T21:52:00.005+08:00

I overheard a little boy ask his mother a few nights ago, "Mummy, do we celebrate Christmas?" To which his mother replied, "No, only Christians celebrate Christmas." He gave it a short thought, and then looked up and asked, "Mummy, CAN i celebrate Christmas.. please?"

His question made me think. What's Christmas all about?

It's about a God who gave up all of heaven's luxuries
and came to earth to be born a baby
stripped of all His power and majesty
It's about a God who owns the whole universe,
but was born in a lowly humble manger
It's about a God who appeared to the nobodies of that time - shepherds
It's about a God who chose to be born a Saviour
Born to face rejection, betrayal and suffering
Born to be crucified
To bring hope and life eternal.

I wished i could tell the little boy, "Yes, of course you can celebrate Christmas. Christmas is not just for the Christians. Christmas is for everyone, especially for you. Jesus was born for you, and for me, and for everyone.

Blessed Christmas, friends!
Happy Birthday, Jesus! =)

A wonderful day!

2008-12-05T10:03:00.008+08:00

This year, I had to force YY to take a day off on his birthday.. =) He's been busy with work, and with the various church ministries, especially at this time of the year. We've got 3 weddings coming up in our CG (!) and he's going to be the driver, worship leader and MC at the different weddings.. haha.. =)

So, yeah, so much for my planned surprises, =) I got him a bouquet of sunflowers (they are gorgeous!), a musical birthday card (since i doubted he ever got this during his 'kiddy' days) and a pair of brightly coloured t-shirts (he's been asking for orange t-shirts ever since the Teenstreet band came in bright orange shirts). I also baked him a Belgian Chocolate cake and hid it in the oven (but his nose led him to it just a few minutes before mid-night.) I ran downstairs and tried to distract him, but it was too late.. he already saw it. So i lit the candles and sang a birthday song for him at 11.55pm (5 minutes early) haha..

Early the next morning, i woke up to cook him the traditional birthday mee-suah. Not exactly traditional cos both of us cook it differently from the way our mums do. But traditional cos grandma says we must eat mee-suah for our birthday for long-life. Since it comes from grandma who's already 98 years old, we'll trust her word for it! =) So my version's got one fried egg, a chicken drumstick, some roast pork slices and some scallops to make the soup really yummy. =)

Then later we took a nice leisurely drive to Bagan Lalang aka Sepang Goldcoast. It was a small beach coastal area near the kampungs, being developed into a resort like place. Beach was nice to stroll for a short while.. But not so much for swimming.

After that, we drove to Bangsar Opus Bistro for some classy birthday lunch. Told him it was voted best restaurant of the year (but only told him later that it was voted by my cousin, who's a foodie guy). The spaghetti there was absolutely superb. After a jog and a swim, then dinner was at Gurney Drive, Midvalley.

Later that evening we had a wedding rehearsal for Ka Hing & Ju Li. And Jules planned a surprise at the end of the rehearsal and popped out with a lovely birthday cake!

At home, we ended the day watching YY's favourite dvd, Transformers. Yup, Transformers. =) Dunno what's with men and machines.. but anyway, it's his birthday, so he gets to do whatever he likes best.. =) With a Hoegaarden Beer bottle in hand and a bag of chips, guess yesterday was a very memorable birthday for him. =) But i think what meant most to him, were loved ones and friends sending him birthday wishes and prayers, and affirming him, he's a treasure, deeply loved by God. =)

HAPPY BiRTHDAY, HONEY! =)

2008-12-03T16:20:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow's YY's birthday. I'm half-guessing that he'll be so busy today, that he won't have a chance to see this post.. *fingers crossed*

Anyway, am currently busy dashing around to get his surprises ready.. =) That's the advantage of being free at the moment.. =)

It's amazing to think that 7 years ago, it was about this time that i had gotten to know YY, and i recall a couple months later, remarking to my mum that YY's such a great guy, and whoever marries him would be the most blessed girl! =) And that was said in passing, simply because he was a very nice friend, and yeah, there was chemistry, but i wasn't quite ready for a relationship then!

Fast-forward 7 years, i would say, i thank God that i am that most blessed woman to be married to YY. A friend asked me a couple of weeks back to describe YY in a sentence, i said, "a warm guy with a big heart". I forgot to add, "and a contagious laughter!" His warmth, his big heart, contagious laughter, and adorable dimples still melt my heart. =)

Honey, this birthday, i pray that God will bless you most abundantly, in life, in your career, in your ministries, in your walk with Him. May each day be joyous, and full of His favour.

I love you, honey! and i hope you have a very memorable birthday *wink* =)

The space-trot

2008-11-24T21:58:00.007+08:00

The theme for this year's VBS(Vacation Bible School) was Cosmic City. It was a superb program sharing about our awesome Creator God - whom we can worship, whom we can count on, whom we can believe in, whom we can trust.

I was glad to be a part of it. It was an awesome privilege to photograph the entire event, and also to do props for the drama over the past week, and also be Aunty Constance's personal secretary for a couple of days. =)

It was great! =)

The teamwork was simply incredible. I was inspired just watching the creative juices and passion oozing out of the entire team - from the space station leaders to the team leaders. It was contagious watching them give of their very best, to serve their Lord and Saviour, and to make a difference in the kids' lives.

Best of all, as a photographer, i had the privilege to photograph kids in their most honest worship moments. It was most humbling and inspiring. =) More so, when i saw kids who on the first day folding their arms refusing to sing, and the next day, singing their lungs out, hands lifted up, and kneeling in prayer even. *Phew* i tell you, it's an amazing feeling.

An abrupt farewell

2008-11-24T21:46:00.002+08:00

Neslo's gone. I don't know where she's disappeared to. It's been more than a week now..

After our cg two fridays ago, she's been nowhere to be found. YY and i did take a walk around our back lane, looking for her, but to no avail. She's gone.

She came into our lives so unassumingly, and now, somehow, she left a little hole in our hearts.. I know YY misses her, cos everytime i hang the clothes, he peers over the wall, to look for any sign of her in our backlane. And i know i miss her.. everytime, i wash the dishes, part of me wishes she'll be there sitting on my washing machine, purring and meowing for her little biscuit treats.

Well, wherever she is, i hope someone kind treats her well, and may she have a long and happy nine lives. =)

She won our heart with her eyes

2008-11-05T10:47:00.007+08:00

I am not a cat person. I have always been a dog person. I don't know why, but i think it has something to do with their eyes. YY agrees with me totally.. =)

But it wasn't the same with Neslo. There was something different about her. She caught my attention one day when i was washing some dishes in the kitchen, and i looked out, there was this black, brown and white kitten sitting on my washing machine and peering in as the clothes were being washed. She had a look of amusement and awe as the machine was going through the rinsing and spinning stage. =) It was simply hilarious just looking at her.

What's with the name, you ask? Well, some time last year there was a very cute black kitten who loved sitting and playing by himself in our backyard. Since he was all-black, i decided to call him Kopi-O. So, with this little one, i decided to name her Neslo. She might be related to Kopi-O, you see. =)

Then a few days later, whilst i was hanging my clothes late at night, she came and started playing with me and later with YY. She had big doll eyes, and loved to be stroked and cuddled. But i think it must be her big round eyes that won our hearts.

Photo: Neslo on the washing machine greeting me when i open the kitchen door.

These days, as soon as she hears the sound of my housekeys, she'll wait at the washing machine or in front of my kitchen door and start purring and "meow"ing. I think she's still a little kitten, from her "manja"ness. So far, i like having her around.. especially when she displays her trophies of appreciation. I've gotten two cockroaches in front of my kitchen door so far, which is fantastic. =)

Photo: One of Neslo's trophies of appreciation

Photo: Neslo's treat - milk!

Making "chai kueh"

2008-11-05T10:05:00.007+08:00

I told my neighbour aunty that i wanted to learn to make "chai kueh" a few days back. "Chai Kueh" is a - a type of vegetable dumpling dish by the Teochew clan, made from turnip, carrots, mushroom, dried prawns and wrapped lovingly in glutinous flour wrap thingy.. =o Whenever she makes some, she'll graciously give some to us. And her "chai kueh" is superb! =)

So i had my first lesson at her house yesterday, and it was fun. =) As i watched her and got my hands dirty learning each step, the end result was quite satisfying. We made almost 50 dumplings. Mine didn't look as nice and intricate as hers.. but it was nonetheless a fun experience.

In His Hands

2008-10-30T10:57:00.010+08:00

I just came across this poem that i had scribbled in my diary sometime this year.. not sure where i got it from, but it is certainly a tremendous encouragement to me at this very moment now, as i leave my prayer request at the throne room of heaven..

In His Hands
By: Betty Purser Patten

We know not what tomorrow brings
Although we plan ahead
For only God alone can know
The pathway we must tread

We cannot know the future
Not one minute nor one hour
Each circumstance that we must face
Lay only in His power

It's vital that we live by faith
From minute unto minute
And trusting that each step we take
He's walking with us in it

We cannot see the future
Nor the trials we must face
But in all things, God has promised us
Sufficiency of His grace

This alone should give us hope
Whatever be our plans
In knowing that our future lies
In His sweet and loving hands.

Photos: Taken in Oxford, UK.

Failing thirty times over

2008-10-29T18:25:00.007+08:00

Have you ever failed an exam for more than thirty times? How would you feel if you had to retake an exam more than thirty times? How would you feel to fail each and every time? Would you feel like a failure? It would be hard to pick yourself up and to try all over again, huh? Would your faith in God waver? Would your trust in God be shaken?

I have prayed a particular prayer earnestly for a long time.. and as i look back, I have come to realise that it has been more than thirty months now that i have prayed this prayer.. Only thirty months you say? Yeah, only thirty months.. but to me, it has been a very torturous thirty months to endure.. As the months goes by, the prayer has grown in intensity. Each month i fail the "test", i have to pick myself up and try all over again. I have wondered and i have asked the Lord, "Why the silence.. and why the long torturing wait?" There have been moments of doubt, and great disappointment. There has been days when i have screamed and questioned Him. Silence was all i got in return, but as i discover more about my Lord, i am confounded by the fact that even if He doesn't answer my prayer, He is still God. A good God nonetheless. A great God, who is a loving Creator, a mighty Saviour, a gentle Healer and a gracious Provider.

I do not know for how long more will i have to wait... and for how many times more i will fail.. But i pray that someday on hindsight, i can look to my Creator and Saviour and thank Him for being with me through it all, and for His greater plan that a mortal like me couldn't understand. And i pray for now, that He will give me the faith to keep believing and the strength to keep holding on the promises He has given in His word.

Photo: YY & I lit a candle in the grand Christ Church Cathedral in Oxford University, lifting up our prayer request to the Lord..

Psalm 36:5 Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

The Prodigal

2008-10-03T16:22:00.004+08:00

Now that i am on break, it is nice to get to do the stuff i've always wanted to do. Whilst clearing up my study, i came across an old bag of 500 piece- jigsaw puzzle of The Prodigal, an art masterpiece drawn by Ron DiCianni. I immediately started working on it, and couldn't stop till i finished it 5 hours later.. =)

Here are some photos captured whilst working on the Prodigal. =)

The Choking Weeds

2008-09-16T11:28:00.005+08:00

As i was clearing my garden this morning, the image of the weed choking my little Heliconia plant. From the bottom of the stem, it twisted and curled all the way upwards, stealing light and nutrients and restricting growth. It probably had been there for sometime, but i had done nothing about it, and obviously, neither had Mr Heliconia.

It sounds quite like us, huh? In our journey on this side of heaven, we often let seemingly small "evils" creep in our lives, and before we know it, our faith is under fire, and our whole life foundations are shaken, and we struggle even to live.

Over the weekend, we were told about the fall of a popular youth Pastor in the Planetshakers Chruch, Mike Guglielmucci. Apparently, he had lied about his cancer illness as a cover-up for his addiction to pornography. This news devastated so many of the church members, including Hillsongs Australia who had allowed him to be part of their latest album. But more than that, it had deeply wounded his parents, high profile pastors, Danny Guglielmucci and his wife, as well as his own family. "Little" sins from his youth had caught up with him. "Small" sins crept in subtly, and choked his life and his faith.

We may not be able to understand why he did such a thing, and we may be absolutely disappointed at his failures. But then again, which one of us has not failed at some point or other? And which one of us is not flawed?

The gospel of grace, which is the heart and core of the message of Christ, is that despite all our weaknesses and failures, God still loves us. And because He loves us so much, He gave Christ for us, so we can have hope again. Forgiven by God Himself, and loved by the Creator, we can live with renewed faith and strength.

As i heard the testimonies from his dad, and from his chruch members, i am thankful that they are a forgiving people, embracing Mike in this time of difficulty. And i am glad that in a way, Mike came out to tell the truth, and God, in His grace will restore him to be a better man.

Poor kids, rich personalities

2008-08-11T21:43:00.004+08:00

Last Saturday, our cg had the privilege of taking 10 kids out to the zoo. They were some of the urban poor kids that our cg members, John & June had been giving tuition to every weekend. We wanted to give them a treat, but an educational treat. I think just by being with them, was a tremendous blessing in itself.

One precious lesson I learnt just observing the kids today - that each child was specially made by God - with their bundle of talents and gifts. Vasanth with his eye for angles and great photo shots, Pravin with his big heart and leadership, Kheva with her eye for detail, Letchumy with her strong smile.. =) I pray God's hand will always be on their lives that they will grow up to know Him, and to have a great future ahead.

Squirmy - Lesson from a caterpillar

2008-07-31T22:46:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, when i drove back from office, i didn't realise that my car was covered with caterpillars. Yeah, caterpillars! I had thought that some family of birds must have loved my car, and did all their poo-poo big time! =)

It was only driving back that i realised that they were alive(!) and they were crawling(!) and they were actually caterpillars(!).

One particular little one caught my attention though. He was on my side view mirror. Holding on for dear life as i was driving on the Federal Hwy at slightly(!) more than 80kmph. He was a cute chubby little one, yellow and green in colour, squirming. Hmm.. that sounds like a great name, Squirmy.

The 10kms felt like forever. I actually prayed for Squirmy, that he would not fly off and die a horrendous car splat. And i prayed too that for Squirmy to hold on till i reached home. But before you think of how noble and kind-natured a person i am, let me clarify my motives. It was all so i can capture this fellow on camera. =P

Anyways, so much for God hearing my prayers, Squirmy stuck on my side view mirror till i reached home(!). And i learnt some precious lessons from him / it.

For one, life has it's share of tough days and challenges. Sometimes (as in the case of Squirmy) it comes in the form of a girl driver speeding down Fed Hwy. But hold on at all costs. It will come to pass.

Secondly, find your crevasse of refuge. Squirmy was quite a smart little one. He inched bit by bit from the top of my mirror and plonked himself into a little hole. It stayed there for the rest of the journey.

Thirdly, get out of the hurricane’s path of destruction. As Squirmy hid itself in the crevasse, he was getting out from the strong wind’s path. The rest of his less-smart friends got themselves killed – flying off my car and getting burnt by the heat of the car engine on the bonnet.

And finally it’s all about favour. Squirmy had found favour with me. He lived because I used my Touch&Go card to get him out of the crevasse and onto a plant. I wish him many wonderful butterfly days ahead. =)

Sometimes we are like Squirmy facing life’s challenges all of a sudden. From the huge sudden gushes of wind, on uncharted territories, with speeding girl drivers and water spouts. But let’s keep holding on. It will soon come to pass. Let’s find our refuge in God and His word. And let’s pray for divine strength and favour to see us through.

God bless. =)

*Photo courtesy of google photos.

Legacy of Love-in-action

2008-07-20T14:00:00.004+08:00

It was a long long night. As i finally laid my head to rest, my mind was filled with the flurry of the entire day and night's activities. We had celebrated our cg's 3 July babies - Caitlyn, Jan and John; wearing Powerpuff girls and Ben10 party hats, blowing up balloons, putting up the very-used HAPPY BIRTHDAY signage, YY blowing up the huge Tigger/Pooh toy-thingy just for little Caitlyn, entertaining Andrew as we studied the book of Amos, eating the WAW chicken wings, watching Sarah fry the Korean "Sanjuk" snacks, sitting down and being entertained by Uncle Michael's new oldies... =)

Listening to the new oldies, Sarah, Malcolm & I reminisced our past. We recalled coming together each Friday - sitting and running around in their house, playing games and then joining them for the supper. As a young girl, I had often admired this family's love for God and for the cg members and the family that tagged along. Their spontaneity and their enthusiasm was a tremendous encouragement. But more than that, for their friendship and their "stickability" - this was one family who stood by us, encouraging and pryaing with us, carrying us through the thick and thin, laughing, crying and helped us in our toughest moments. This is truly a role model couple whom i greatly look up to and wish to emulate.

As i watched Uncle Michael strum the guitar, and watched how Aunty Angelina was admiring him quietly across the table, and Malcolm & Matthew singing along with them, it was a cherished moment. I realised that that was an incredible legacy left ingrained in their hearts and mine.

Uncle Michael and Aunty Angelina were the cell group leaders in which my parents were a part of. They have literally seen me grow up before their eyes. They warmly opened up their homes every Friday for cellgroup. And we, the kids, had the privilege of watching love in action - through the bible studies led, through the melodious praise songs sung, through the laughter shared, through the prayers prayed (for our school exams, our piano/organ/violin exams, for our scrapped knees and fevers, for our loose teeth and sore throats), through the guava juices and soursop drinks served, through the countless "makans" and carboot carnivals they organized. This was truly love-in-action -- a legacy that they've left - that will be forever ingrained in my heart and mind.

In their recent 25th Wedding Anniversary, i asked them the secret to their wonderful blissful 25 years of marriage. Uncle Michael promptly replied they've held on to the verse "Never let the sun go down on your anger". A simple yet profound truth. It was heart-warming to see them still publicly displaying their affection for one another and for their children. It was encouraging to hear "I love you"s and "I missed you"s regularly being exchanged.

As YY and I now open up our house for cg, i am glad to have the privilege of a wonderful couple who has paved the way and shown me a great example, which i hope to learn from and model after.

Now, i have the privilege and blessing to have Malcolm (their 2nd son) in my cg. As we were riding in the car, i told Malcolm what a great legacy of love that his parents have given to him. He proudly agrees. May our generation learn from them, and be a continual blessing to those God brings into our paths.. =)

Lessons in June

2008-06-30T22:29:00.004+08:00

It's simply creepy how time flies. June's already ending in a few hours, and "kia-su" me has to beat the clock to throw a post in, just so i'll have a blog-post for every month.. =P

I thank God i finally managed to get myself a laptop, so that i can get back into blogosphere. I've been feeling so lost without it.. =( Despite that, i still feel like my right hand is still missing, with my camera still unreplaced. Every now and then, to cheer me, YY takes me to browse in the camera shops, just to take a peek, and then for me to go back and dream about it.. haha.. =))

This month, two close friends have lost things that were really precious to them. One lost her laptop - full of her kids' videos (since birth) and another lost her hp just today. It is so painful to lose things so precious.

But then again, on reflection, it is in losing something that we often realise it's true value. Most of the time, things like these are taken for granted, and get treated with little significance.

I recently got hold of a movie - PS I love U. Now, let me warn you - this movie is one tear-jerker (more so than the average Korean soaps), and heart-wrencher --- a total girly movie with many "ridiculous happenings which make absolutely no sense whatsoever to the average normal guy". But i managed to glean some precious lessons, which made it worth my tears, my tissues and my time.

1. Live the life you have now.
Holly epitomises the girl-next-door who dreams of great things, but fails to remember that she has a life now and a wonderful Scottish husband by her side. So in her envy and strife for better things - like a bigger house and a better job, she often gets into arguments and the blame-game over her husband's inability to provide all these luxuries for her and her own inability to get these things by her own efforts.

2. Love like you've never loved before.
Holly and her husband loved each other, but they didn't realise life was going to be that short. Her husband died tragically (how else!) and so suddenly, that she couldn't cope initially - feeling desperately lonely and with a tremendous overwhelming sense of emptiness in her life. Everywhere she turned and walked in her little house reminded her so much of him.

3. Dream dreams, and live them now.
Holly was an art student, and when she first graduated, her dream was to create. But in her pursuit for stability, job and money, she forgot her dreams. And it wasn't until her husband's death, and his letters that reminded her who she was, and the dreams she had, that she started pursuing her passions.

My recommendation: Get hold or rent the DVD. You can borrow from me, if you wish.. =) Watch the movie with your loved ones. Have a full box of tissue with you, just in case. It is worth the two hours. It makes you look at ur spouse/ family just that bit differently, and view life with just that slight bit more positivity. =) Happy July!

Nature's Masterpieces

2008-05-31T15:44:00.006+08:00

Photo: The Humpback in sand
By: Sharon Amrita
Date: Taiwan 0508

Note: Nature has a way of displaying to us the majesty of God's creation. These geo-rock formations are formed over hundreds of years as the earth slowly erodes from constant slow wind, blowing their way. Who says the rock is stronger than the wind? It is in such beauty that we are reminded of God's true majesty. With each magnificent sculture that gets formed, these ever-changing masterpieces seem to take delight in giving Him glory.

Photo: The Off-road Beauty
By: Sharon Amrita
Date: Taiwan 0508
Note: If i could ever be a flower, i want to be just like these lilac beauties. Bobbing and swaying in the wind, in unison harmonies, giving praise to their Maker. It doesn't matter that they are growing wild by the roadside, it doesn't matter if no one tends to them. It certainly doesn't bother them if one heavy human should trample or a cheeky dog should pee on them. They do just what they were created for - stand tall, and show off their beauty and glorify their God! =)

Photo: A Garbage Beauty
By: Sharon Amrita
Date: Taiwan 0508
Note: I stumbled upon this flower growing somewhat wild and unkempt beside a garbage bin. It was too pretty not to photograph. So, squatting next to the bin, i snapped my photos, much to the surprise of the Taiwanese and tourists alike. How can i miss on a such a beauty? Then it struck me everywhere all over the world, people overlook people who live marginalised, ignored and forgotten beside garbage bins and trash heaps. Each life, however, is beautiful and treasured by their Creator.

These make me think then, Who am i? what was i created for? What can i do that will bring God the greatest delight?

An eventful May

2008-05-31T15:25:00.003+08:00

It's been a long eventful month of May.

Me birthday was sweet, (still coming to terms that i am inching nearer to the end of my 20s). Apart from the sweet poem for my birthday and a yummy bowl of hot longevity noodles from my hubby, i got a 30month gym membership from him as a birthday gift.. =) Ha..ha.. he's trying to help me keep looking youthful, i guess. =)

Bro left for NZ for work. I miss him quite a bit.. Particularly so when he's going to be there alone.. Wish NZ was just an hour's flight away or something like that.. But i do know that God has a marvellous plan for his life to have given him this opportunity..

Same day that my bro flew off to NZ, someone broke into my house and stole my precious laptop and new DSLR camera. The most heartbreaking thing was to losing these less-than-1-year things which were bought with very hard-earned savings... Also heartbreaking was losing quite a number of photos, which were very recently taken. Thank God, though, that many others were backed up elsewhere.. Anyway, I thank God we weren't at home, and that no one was hurt and nothing else was stolen.

So this kinda explains the silence from blogging the past few months, and my complete ignorance of the fellow bloggers' life around..

Thank GOd for an opportunity to travel to Taiwan with my colleagues on a company trip. It was a very nice short holiday for us.. and THank God for Phylli who so graciously lent me her D70, and my ex-colleague KK, who lent me his 55-200mmzoom lense. I couldn't imagine travelling without a Nikon DSLR.. =)

The month is coming to an end. So much has happened around the world and even close to home. With all these never-before events unfurling, i can't help but know the end is coming soon, and we each have to be faithful to the calling and faith that we profess. BUt then again, it is for such a time as this that we have been bron, and for such a time as this, that God has called us to be His own - shining, glowing, living for His purpose and His glory!

God bless.

Happy birthday Honey and the gift of yourself

2008-05-04T08:05:00.005+08:00

To my dearest wife,

The strength of your love in kindness, gave me a haven where fills my heart with every sense of warmth and precious memories. Your kindness is the touch, the look, the beat of heart, and the act that seeks to cherish and guard the one whom you say "I love you".

Here's a poem from Samuel Zwemer that helps me to put to word who you are to me :)

Her love was like an island
In life's ocean, vast and wide
A peaceful, quite shelter
From the wind and rain and tide

'Twas bound on the north by hope
By patience on the west
By tender counsel on the south
And on the east, by rest

Above it, like a beacon light,
Shone faith and truth and prayer;
And through the changing scenes of life
I found a haven there.

Happy birthday!

love,

YY

A tribute to mum!

2008-04-22T19:47:00.005+08:00

Words do not suffice
Nor adequately describe
With tears in my eyes
My heart was beaming with pride
Sitting amidst the crowd
I heard them clear and loud

With each gesture of honest appreciation
With each heartfelt tear
With each thunderous applause
As they celebrated you,
They were already feeling the loss.

Each child knows he has been loved
Each student changed by what he has been taught
Each teacher has been inspired
By someone who gave her very best
Her heart, her mind and her soul

It was an honour
A privilege
I wouldn't miss for the world
To know someone so dear to me
Made such a great difference
And showed them
love on this side of heaven

As you embark on a new chapter in your life
New places to traverse
New paths to walk
I pray God's abiding presence
His abundant love and peace
His strength and His promise
To continually follow you..

Love you, mum!

She had her straight hair permed since she was 9 years old. She's got gorgeous eyes and the sweetest smile. She's got a photographic memory. She's brilliant when it came to studies. She could have been a chemistry professor, or a chemical engineer, but someone told her that teaching was the best career path at that time, she believed them. And so, for the past 31 years, she gave her very best, she gave her life to teaching. In her own words, "if i had a chance to do this all over again, I would. I love teaching. I love children."

So last week, mum celebrated her much anticipated retirement from government service. If there were 3 words to describe mum, it would be LOVE, PATIENCE and DEDICATION. Mum loves each student as if they were her own children. With great patience and incredible dedication, she toils to help each student understand, to lend a listening ear to new teachers, and to inspire each one to excel.

As mum embarks on this new and exciting chapter of her life, we look in anticipation all the amazing things that God has in store for her.

P/s: If you were the photographer who took the photos of mum when she was in her teens and youth, please contact me. I personally think your photography is amazing. =)

The T's of March

2008-03-31T22:33:00.005+08:00

I can't believe the month of March has just whizzed by. So much has happened, but i hadn't had the time to actually sit down and collect my thoughts in a selah moment. =P

So a brief summary of life as i recollect them.. =)

1. A Tsunami Politically- Well, it was interesting to vote for the first time in my life. For once, I felt like a true Malaysian - serving my country, making a difference. And it was also the first time i got enlisted as a polling and counting agent. Yup, that too, was an experience. Seeing things from a different perspective. I guess the results was amazing - an answered prayer of sort, but there is still much to pray for the new government - that justice and righteousness will truly prevail.

2. A Transformers Birthday Party

I had the privilege of helping to organise a birthday party for Ernest, an ex-CG member's son. His dad, Gary, passed away a few days before his birthday a couple years back. And so, each year, we look forward to making little Ernest's birthday special. We can't bring his dad back, but we can give him the blessing of a special birthday party. =)

It's amazing and truly heart-warming to see how Ernest has grown over the years, to see him smiling and playing so heartily. I pray that the Lord will continue to carry him, and bless him so abundantly, and mould his character and faith. Blessed birthday, Ernest!

3. A Touching reminder of a tremendous sacrifice

Good Friday crept silently in the busyness of life. While we lamented it not being a holiday unlike in neighbouring countries, I wondered if it would have made any difference otherwise? In the midst of work and other aspects of life shouting for attention, God's incredible and life-redeeming sacrifice gets little focus if any. So preparing for the communion bread and wine gave me a little time to pause and reflect. It was much more significant - with each slice of the bread into squares, i was reminded all over again God's grace and mercy bountiful, enough for all to taste.

With each cup of wine filled, i was reminded of Jesus' overflowing love, blood poured out to save, to heal, to forgive and to ransom what was lost.

Wee Lee's powerful video presentation brought floods of tears, touching and reminding us of Jesus - His love, His sacrifice, His death and His redemption. Which other God dare say, "I have done it all for you"? Watch here.

4. A Treat for Pa's Birthday

We celebrated YY's dad's birthday in BP. It was a simple but sweet occasion.

We pray God's blessings of good health and peace, joy and strength only He can bestow, and the wonderful knowledge of Jesus as His personal Lord and Saviour on Pa.

5. A Tummy and Trigger-Happy CG retreat

Cafe@ Subang had it's first CG retreat to Melaka last weekend. It was truly a tummy treat and a trigger happy occasion for me. We ate, played and ate, and ate and slept and ate and.. oh did i say we ate? Haha.. but it was a great bonding time. =) Needless to say, we bond over food and lotsa laughter.. =)

The Esthers and Daniels of today

2008-03-01T13:21:00.004+08:00

I think i'm probably one of the least political-savvy people on earth, hence that would most likely make me the last person you'd expect to ever talk politics, much less blog about it. =)

But the recent years of being married to a political savvy husband who has political savvy buddies have probably rubbed off on me slowly but steadily. I recently attended a political "ceramah" by DAP held at my housing estate. I was initially very sceptical about their agenda. I wanted to be convinced about their policies and plans. So when Hannah Yeoh the upcoming DAP candidate spoke, she got my ears. Learning that she was a Christian, who was passionate about making a difference, in a bid to fight for the rights of the marginalised, to be a voice for the people and to speak up for what was right - she certainly got many people's vote, mine included.

I believe that God has raised a new generation who is close to His heart, who desire to make a change for what is right, and who dare to stand up, speak forth and be counted. I pray that they will never bend to temptations and pressures to comply to the norms but to be the Daniels, Josephs and Esthers of this generation, born for such a time as this, called to make a difference.

Pass on the blessing

2008-02-28T18:47:00.005+08:00

Bad moods tend to catch me unaware! I got an email this afternoon from a friend who expressed his disappointment that i had forgotten his birthday, or rather, that an entire group of us had kinda forgotten about his special day. I felt really bad initially, but with the airconditioner in office not working, the guilt turned quickly into hurt, and before i knew it, i was furious and disappointed.

Whilst i apologised to my friend, and prayed a prayer of blessing for his birthday and the year ahead, my alter-ego tookover. Thoughts flew through my mind, and i started justifying to myself why it was an immature accusation.

"Why get so worked up over a small issue?"you ask?? I guess being a sensitive person by nature, i took it quite personally - hence this became a blog-worthy post! (So, friend, before you get upset with me for blogging about this, let me clarify, and plead with you to read the blogpost to the end. God, in His grace, turned this into a lesson for me! and hopefully for you too. =) )

Through out my life, those close to me would testify that i am one person who makes an effort to remember all my family and friends' birthdates. Call it weird, but i think i've quite a knack for remembering numbers and dates. I used to make personalised greeting cards and gift-wrapping presents during my free-er days of school and Uni. But now with work and the busyness of life, i still try to make time for an sms, a call or an e-card.

I guess why i felt deeply hurt and disappointed was because both YY and I have invested a lot of our life, our time, our money, and often sharing a meal and our home with the young people in our midst, my friend included. We are not filthy rich, but whatever little that we have, we gladly share. Not that we are asking for thank-yous or favours in return, but our deepest hope and desire is that those who have been blessed will be grateful, be inspired, and pass on the blessing to others whenever they have the opportunity.

Perhaps it is a generation gap. For me, i have always been taught me to be grateful and thankful for what i have been given, to find every opportunity to pass on the blessing to others. I note with dismay that this current generation is more self-centred and expect blessings rather than seek opportunities to bless.

Anyway, as i poured my disappointment to God on my drive back home, it dawned on me that I too have been a forgetful, thankless and spoilt brat in my walk with God. Every day and every moment, God pours His abundance of love and blessings into my life, but the single unanswered prayer or a thorny situation encountered, and I throw my tantrum, and accuse God of being unfair, distant and unloving. I guess God allowed me to see and feel the pain of a thankless effort to remind me to be a more thankful and grateful child.

May each one of us learn to appreciate the blessings that God has poured on us, and also to be thankful to the people who invest and share their lives with us. May we pass on the blessings at every opportunity.

Shouting Whispers

2008-02-21T18:59:00.003+08:00

No, you read it right.. I purposedly titled this blogpost Shouting Whispers.. because it dawned on me that in a lot of our daily life, nature is screaming back at us, somewhat shouting to remind us of who their Creator is, and what is He like.. To the one who will wait.. and pause.. and reflect.. they whisper, "Come, let's bow and worship Him! Here is the true and living God, He is mighty and majestic, He is faithful forever!"

Day after day
Night after night
In melodic harmony
In tandem beats
As if dancing to a worshipful song
The waves roll across mighty oceans
And bounce across billowy seas
In constant cycles
They crash upon upon the sand on the shore
And rush back to start their song all over again..

Dawn after dawn
Dusk after dusk
In rising, you inspire renewed hope
In setting, you proclaim timely rest
As if bursting forth to shout out praise
Each beam shines across hills and mountains
Over valleys and streams
Proclaiming the grandeur of His majesty
In radiant faithfulness they worship..

With Gingko & Walnuts

2008-02-12T21:52:00.001+08:00

I still remember
The time you fed
Me from under the table
When Ah Di was a little toddler
And i was being naughty

I still remember
The time you sat
Beside me on a trishaw
For my first day at school
Thank you for accompanying me

I still remember
The time you sat
Hours at the table
Preparing the best food
For us to enjoy as a family

You asked if I still remember
The time you took me for a walk
By the hillside and the valley

You asked if I still remember
The time I saw the big mansion on hill
And i promised to build you one beside me

You asked if I still remember
The time you took me to the kindergarten
And i introduced you to my teachers, my friends and their family

You tell me your memory's fading
It's no longer as good as it used to be
I begin to wonder
if you will still remember me

You tell me your memory's failing
It's not as clear as previously
I begin to wonder
if you will still remember
You are the special-est of grandmas there can ever be

With gingko and walnuts
A prayer and a plea
I ask with all my heart
That God will be super close and extra real to thee

With gingko and walnuts
A prayer and a plea
I ask that God will show Himself
Faithful and true
A maker and a friend
A saviour and a king

With gingko and walnuts
A prayer and a plea
I ask that God will sustain you
With good health and memory
With joy and with peace.

Of Cuddles and Mr Buttons

2008-02-11T19:49:00.000+08:00

Two weekends ago, I had the blessing and privilege to take 2 lovely girls from church for their Chinese New Year shopping. Their daddy hadn't been well, and so i figured they most probably hadn't had time to shop for their new clothes. Yong Yi was supposed to chauffeur us, but decided not to at the last minute, so that we girls "could have a girly-day out".

It was my first time in ages that i had gone shopping with girls apart from my close girl buddies, mum or aunt. The three of us had a fun time walking from one end of Midvalley to the other end of the Gardens, picking out clothes and trying out clothes from the adults racks to the kids racks and back to the adult racks. We also had a great time laughing till we cried over a super-heavy lunch. =) And it *still* brings giggles each time we think about it.. Three girls, one pasta, one pizza. We returned the pizza moments after it arrived, coz we were way too full from the huge spaghetti meatballs.

During the 4 hours we spent together, i gleaned some precious lessons from the two girls.

(i) Simple faith
The two girls have the blessing of very godly parents who have imparted much godly values to them. Even though their dad is unwell, they confidently tell me that "daddy is better already. He is recovering. God is already healing him and will one day completely heal him. "

(ii) Simple joys
The two girls sat buckled in the back seats of my car, and through out our journey back and forth, they chattered about everything under the sun. "Leader Sharon, what's the name of your teddy bears?" they asked me as they got in. I have two teddy bears sitting in my backseats. One was a gift from a colleague when i first joined Cadbury, and another is a gift from YY during one of his trips to Bangkok. "I haven't thought of any names, yet, le. Why don't you help me to name them?" I told them. It was all they needed. They excitedly cracked their heads, throwing interesting, adorable names. Fluffy.. Fiffy.. Rover.. Stories flew of how we named our other soft toy pets.. Our favourite names for dogs, if we ever owned one.. Our first soft toy.. Our favourite soft toys.. Suddenly one of the girls flipped the tag of the purple teddy and said, "Cadbury Cuddlies! But, Leader Sharon, Cuddlies doesn't sound too nice, eh? How about Cuddles?" "Perfect!"I exclaimed, "Cuddles it shall be. What about the other red one?"

We continued to grind our heads to think of bear names - cute, adorable, perfect names. "How about red Rover?" i asked. "That's a name for a dog, Leader Sharon, not a teddy bear!" Red Jack..Teddy-Love.. "What's on it's tag?" I asked. Sighs.. this bear didn't have a tag. "What about Buttons?" I asked, since it had little buttons on the vest. "Yeah! Yeah! Perfect!! Mr Buttons, it's a really cute name." And so it was, Cuddles and Mr Buttons have their names. We were overjoyed.

On the way back, Cuddles and Mr Buttons had fashion revamp. Cuddles' purple scarf became a turban and then a pair of shorts. Mr Buttons got undressed, which was really quite obscene. Haha.. I guess that's what you get, when you put two girls together with a pair of teddy bears. It was really fun!

In the short time that we spent together, i realised that children have very good memory. The girls remembered and recalled vividly wat i had said to them a couple of years back. It was both amazing and also sobering to think that everything we say and do, in some way and measure influences and impacts the children. I pray that through my life, my words and deeds, I will always be a good testimony of faith and positively influence the children in church and in my family.

Snippets of December & January

2008-02-03T17:43:00.001+08:00

Since returning from my holiday in Australia, it has been a busy month of January. So so so much has happened, but i haven't had the time to blog about it. This post is going to blog the snippets of my January going-ons.. =)

(i) Ah Di's graduation - As per my last blog, it was an AMAZING time. Watching Ah Di's OCF and Uni friends drop by Uni just in time for a photo to celebrate this momentous occasion, having dad, mum, YY and me applaud Ah Di as he walked up the stage and receiving his scrolls, me going trigger happy all around Uni Melb ... it was amazing! It brings tears to my eyes thinking of God's faithfulness and providence. I know i've said/blogged this before.. but being there and knowing that God has literally carried us through the past 7 years! He's amazing, our God!

(ii) Family Holiday in Melbourne & Tasmania- We had a superb family holiday in Tasmania. The weather was lovely - cooling with a tad of sunshine. It was a very scenic holiday driving around Tasmania. It was mum and YY's first time there.. Since Ah Di & I had been there, we short listed the favourites to visit. I have never trekked so much in my life - and mum - she was amazing! She was always ahead of me. The beautiful beaches, picturesque mountains provided the perfect backdrop for a great time of rest, recreation and reflection.

It was also a great catching up with old friends too - ex-OCFers. It was encouraging and heartwarming to see friends who were still passionately serving Christ, through student ministry, cell groups and children ministry.

I brought YY, mum & Ah Di down my Uni days memory lane - walking the routes and paths that i had walked for 2 years during my studies in Monash Clayton. So many sweet memories just kept flooding my mind as i walked and talked and showed them my favourite spots, etc. The lake where we had our mini lantern festival/feed-the-duck sessions, the halls of residence room where i stayed, where Rowena and Bawani - my (3musketeer buddies) stayed, where we cooked together, the Normanby house we went for our chinese takeaways, the Menzies building where we had our classes, the library where I had accountability sessions with my cg leader Jaime, and subsequently with my juniors, my 2/18 house, the highway i had to cross each morning and night, the 1/4 OCF headquarters.. =) So many things had changed, part of me wished they didn't, but then, that's life, huh? Things move on.. New memories are made as we live each day purposefully and joyfully.

We also made a day trip to Great Ocean Road as a family. It was a very very sunny day, i had the opportunity to tan myself quite a bit. But the scenery is simply beautiful!

It was a joy to meet Sue Anne, Ah Di's girlfriend, in person for the first time too.. She's certainly a lovely and godly girl. We thank God for her, and pray that though both of them have to be apart for the time being, their love for God and each other will continue to grow.

PHOTO LINKS: Graduation, Tasmania Holidays, Great Ocean Rd, Docklands.

(iii) Wedding Anniversary - We flew back from Melb on 31st Dec. And recalled that YY and I have been married for 3 years! It's amazing just reflecting on how much we've changed (or not!) over the past 3 years. But i truly thank God for a loving husband and a soul-mate. As we continue to pray for God to bless us with a child, we truly thank God for the many things that He has already blessed us so graciously with.

(iv) Grandma's birthday - Grandma celebrated her 97th birthday on the 19th Jan. It was a big celebration with her many grandchildren and great grandchildren around her. Grandma has already said the sinner's prayer to accept Christ as her Lord and Saviour. But every now and then, she goes back to her old ways of chanting and meditation on her Taoist books. I know it is not easy to let go of her past, but our prayer is that she will make a bold step of faith to be baptised this year. We are certain God has blessed her with such longlife for a reason and purpose - for His glory and kingdom.

PHOTO LINK: Grandma's birthday

Simply AMAZED!

2007-12-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

Amazed! This word aptly describes the feeling that is bubbling within me right now. In a few hours, we will be flying over to Melbourne to celebrate Ah Di's graduation.

It's not because we're going to Australia for the 2nd time this year that i'm amazed. It's not because I'm blessed to work for a company that allows their new employees to take advance leave that i'm amazed. It's not because I'm gonna catch up with my old uni buddies. All those are great, and i'm really looking forward to them.

But I'm AMAZED because Ah Di's graduating.

I still vividly recall the time when i came back from Melbourne. Dad had just left. Ah Di was in his Form 5 facing his SPM. I had had a wonderful time in Melbourne. The experience was so wonderful, i felt bad if Ah Di did not get the same opportunity to study overseas. But how he was going to study overseas, both me & mum weren't so sure. We told him we'd work 2 jobs each. We'd give tuition. We'd do anything! As long as Ah Di could go to Melbourne for at least two years. We were so naive. On hindsight, we recently calculated, even if we saved every single penny, ate only rice and soya sauce, at max, we'd be able to support Ah Di for a year.

God is far more amazing! Ah Di got a scholarship for his studies, 1 year in KL and 5 years in Melbourne!

It brings tears to my eyes to think of God's faithfulness in His gracious providence for our entire family all these 7 years. Ah Di's graduation, his excellent performance academically and in ministry is truly a great testimony of God's abundant blessings and favour on him. And i'm amazed!

p/s: I just realised it's exactly 7 years ago that i graduated in Melbourne. It's amazing, isn't it? God is good.. =)

Living Out the Name

2007-11-25T17:58:00.000+08:00

Our Bible study on last Friday was on Ephesians 4. The book we're using started off with a story of the great world conqueror, Alexander the Great. It shares about how one day he was inspecting his troops, when he came across a soldier, shabbily dressed. He asked this soldier, "What is your name?" The soldier replied, "Alexander". WIthout missing a beat, the great warrior and strategist stepped forward and said to the trembling infantryman, "Either change your ways or change your name!"

The story hit me. I carry the name of Christ as a christian, but am I leading a life worthy of my calling? Do i draw others nearer or pull them farther away from Christ? We had an interesting discussion on that. I guess we're all work-in-progress. But hopefully, we're progressing forward in our faith and our testimony.. =)

Today, our church had the privilege to have Aunty Merrilyn share Gods word with us. She had so much to share about her stories of missions in Nepal and China. She reminded us that we are the carriers of God's love. We are but jars of clay, worthless, insignificant, carrying treasures immeasurable, invaluable - the gospel of Christ, the message of redemption. She exhorted us to put on God's shoes, not ours, but GOD'S shoes of preparation of the gospel of peace. That everywhere we went, we would exude Christ' fragrance and love, bringing and drawing people to Him.

Aunty Merrilyn was the OCF Resource person, and had touched countless lives through her mission work in China, Nepal, Papua New Guinea, Singapore and through her ministry in the OCF, and through her pastoral ministry in AACC, Adelaide.So many people call her mum, God-ma, Didi (sister).

Later on, i had the opportunity to have lunch with Aunty Merrilyn. Now, this is one life truly sold out for Christ. As i sat with her, listening to the stories of her travels, the people she has led to Christ, the things God has done in and through her, i was just astounded.. I could imagine myself like Mary sitting at the Lord's feet just soaking in everything. Aunty Merrilyn reminds me that she is only a vessel used by God, as ordinary as you can get, but to me, she's amazing. She epitomises faith and love; and when she said she's a representative of Christ, she didn't mince her words.

At 65, her memory is amazing. She remembered the things she prayed for me during our last church camp in PD. She asked me how have things progressed since then. She wrote a scripture letter for me, prophetic, i believe, as she said it's God's word for me for this season in my life. When I told her that she inspires me through her life, her love and her faith, she smiled. It has been a tough journey for her, but she's just so fired up for Christ, she's more than prepared to give everything she has and is to the Lord.

Each time i meet, speak, listen and see Aunty Merrilyn, i am reminded all over again, that life on earth is short, and i should live it fully for my God, leaving a legacy for His Kingdom, making my life count for eternity.

You Speak..

2007-11-21T21:58:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, i stepped in last minute to lead bible study on Ephesians 3. It was an interesting bible study for me personally. Just earlier that week, a sister asked me about the purpose of life - as a Christian. It was a tough question, as she went through some moments of doubt. As i pored over the passage and some commentaries, it was as if the passage was meant for her. The answers to her questions were jumping from the passage. From this, I have come to realise the reality of God's word being true, alive and relevant.

Further, it was an interesting Greek lesson for me and our CG, as we learnt to appreciate the significance of the meaning of the Greek words used by Paul. It conveyed a richer and deeper meaning to his message. The common English phrases seem diluted and paled in comparison to the purposeful grammar and vocabulary used in the Greek terms.

Paul starts of Ephesians 3 with great excitement that a mystery has been revealed - that God's grace and love was for everyone - Jews and Gentiles. Salvation by grace was available to everybody who believes that Jesus is the truth, the way and the life.

Paul then prays for 4 things, which John Stott calls a "prayer staircase".

(i) He prays that we would be strengthened in our inner man. - That we would understand the power of the Holy Spirit, and the power that we can tap into.

(ii) He prays that Christ will be more at home in our hearts. - That we would give Christ full control over our hearts and lives.

(iii) He prays that our roots would grow deep into the soil of God's love. - Here the Greek words "Rizow" - meaning 'to take root', and "Themeliow" meaning 'grounded & to lay a foundation' are used. That we may understand the full dimension of God's love for us.

(iv) Finally he prays that we may live life to the fullest and be filled with God's power. The abundant Christian life is ours for the taking.

As a staircase, we will not stay on top of the staircase all the time. There are bound to be moments when we move down the stairs. When doubts surface, when worries creep in, when sin knocks us down a rung or two.. It's so lovely when Paul ends this chapter in doxology, in praise and thankfulness to God for all that He has done, and all that He continues to do in and through us.

To that dear sister of mine, i pray that you will continue discover and experience God's great love - the width, the length, the height, the depth of His love for you.

Feast for the tummy, the eyes and the heart..

2007-11-14T21:33:00.001+08:00

Thanks to AirAsia, over the Deepavali holidays, we managed to sneak in a short holiday to Sandakan, Sabah to visit my best buddy, Rowena. I've known her for 9 years already, but embarassingly, this is the first time i'm visiting her home in Sandakan.. =)

Honestly, this trip deserves at least 3 blog-posts to adequately describe our wonderful trip there..

Firstly, it was truly a feast for our tummies - Yong Yi & I were treated to the best culinary delights and seafood dishes Sandakan could offer. Rowena pre-warned me twice about the sumptuous food she'd be feeding me with.. =) But it was really over-whelming.. =)

Uncle Alex (Rowena's dad), was quite a joker with many stories to tell.. It was a real joy to meet him for the first time. While Aunty Patricia, (Rowena's mum) was our tourist-cum-foodie guide. She fed us so much, accompanied us to Sepilok, and introduced us to the many Sandakan specialty food and even made us her very own triffle, which was simply delicious.

Why feast of the eyes, you ask? Sandakan is famous for it's wildlife sanctuaries - like the Sepilok Orang Utan Rehabilitation centre. Whilst there, we also had the opportunity to travel via a gravel road to the Labuk Bay Proboscis Monkey Sanctuary. You can view the many trigger happy shots i took (too many to post) in my picasa web album . Again, like my previous posts, i am amazed at the uniqueness of each creature that God created. He could have very well made all monkeys alike - same mouth, nose, tail, but NO.. not our creative Creator God. He had to make each one unique, special, beautiful, purposeful..

And finally feast of the heart.. Whilst YY caught up on his rest and sleep on the last day, Rowena and i had some time to catch up and chat.. Something that we haven't had the chance to do much in the past few years. It was nice, to reminisce the good-ol-days, remembering the things we experienced in college and Uni, our favourite foods and favourite 'makan' haunts, our favourite song to dance to in our little dorm room, our fond memories of birthdays and walks in the parks, our final year torture of thesis, the sleepless nights, and exhilaration of finally graduating.

It was sweet and touching, just reflecting on how things have changed and not, how life has turned out thus far for each of us.. It was sweet and touching to know that in all facets and circumstances of life, we could always share our heart to each other -- through the toughest moments, and the happiest moments. It was sweet and touching to know that such God-given friendships go beyond distance and time. This friendship is one where we could just pick up from where we last left off.. knowing that we are thought of often, and always held in each others' heart. It was sweet and touching to know that in such friendships we could each be ourselves, hair down and souls bare.

*Row, I truly truly thank God for you. =)
*B, next day, you're coming along too so that the 3 musketeers get to party together.. =)

Feathers & Beaks

2007-10-28T16:28:00.000+08:00

Location: KL Birdpark

Date: 271007

Thoughts: O Lord, my God, I am in awe of Your creativity! I am amazed at the intricacies and details You put into creating each bird, each creature. The feathers in their grandeur, the hues and colours of their beaks - each created with a purpose and a reason. The wonder of of Your creation, leave me spellbound, Lord. How can anyone say that there is no God? How can anyone doubt Your existence? How can we not give You the glory for the work of Your hands?

Lord, You made each bird with such beauty and such intricate detail. Just look at their feathers! Look at their beaks! Look at their eyes! Look at how they dance, fly, swim, parade and display the creativity of their Maker! As if shouting out to the world I am a product of a Creator God, i give Him the glory!

Lord, I am reminded You made each one of us purposefully, wonderfully and creatively. May the things we do bring You glory too..

Not the leftovers nor the extras

2007-10-21T16:37:00.000+08:00

Was struck today by what YY said during the worship session, that "Our God gives us His very best, His most precious. "

How often we give out of the abundance that we have - our extras and our leftovers. What if you had only one? Would you still give it away? It reminds me of a little girl who had only one keropok(fish cracker) in her hand. I asked her for that piece of keropok. She held on to it tighter. She refused. I pretended to be really hungry. In her kindness and pity, she said, "only one small bite, ah?" For such a young girl, i was impressed by her generosity. Because if I were her, i'd probably quickly put it in my mouth and chew and swallow it! (Just kidding, *wink*) =)

But honestly, if it were you or me, if it were something costlier, if it meant everything to you, if it were your one and only, if it were your precious, would you still give it away?

***

Creator God, You did not give me
A gift that costed You nothing
You did not give me
Your leftovers, or trash and garbage.

Creator God, You did not give me
A gift that means to You nothing
You did not give
Your extras, or something you didn't want
And had plenty of the same.

Jesus, He was Your one and only.
Your beloved, Your precious.
Jesus was a part of You
Heart of Your heart
Soul of Your soul.

Yet, for someone so unworthy like me
You CHOSE DELIBERATELY
Not a haphazard, spur-of-the-moment decision
For someone so undeserving
You GAVE INTENTIONALLY
Not by chance but by choice.

It blows my mind
The Creator God who could give anything
Would CHOOSE to give me
Not His leftovers
Nor His extras
But His one and only
His everything
His Son
His Jesus.

As a ransom for my life
As a punishment for my sin and my failures
As a redemption for my future, my eternity.

***

Coconut water: A simple act of love

2007-10-18T16:02:00.000+08:00

Guest Blogger: YY

Specially dedicated to my lovely wife,

From Wikipedia dictionary:

- The white, fleshy part of the seed is edible and used fresh or dried in cooking.

- The cavity is filled with coconut water which contains sugar, fibre, proteins, antioxidants, vitamins and minerals.

- Coconut water provides an isotonic electrolyte balance, and is a highly nutritious food source.

- It is used as a refreshing drink throughout the humid tropics and is also used in isotonic sports drinks.

On a warm evening in Batu Pahat where we spent our Raya break...

It’s a simple act of walking her to a stall 1km away to quench our thirst with coconut drink…

It’s a short 10mins sitting down by the dusty roadside stall and sharing one freshly opened coconut…

It’s a relatively short distance compared to the amount of energy I would spend in jungle trekking, jogging or on a futsal pitch… it sweats much less…

Its frequency is less than the airport taxi I take in a month for my work.

It’s just not something I will naturally do as a way to spend “quality time” with her J

But I know it meant something for her…

For countless time she would fondly recall how her dad prepares coconut water while singing “coconut water, good for my daughter” – I trust those were the moments of tender love and care and edged such lasting memory for a young soul.

Years later God brought a big guy into her life… to care for her as a loving husband and to be the pillar of strength in the face of adversity…

To love her for who she is, to appreciate everything about her, and to help her to become a woman after God’s heart..

In loving what she loves and treasuring what she treasures I found a way to truly connect with her heart.

In years to come my prayer is that the things we do together will be treasured moments for our lives…

Even in simple thing like enjoying coconut drink…

Love you, honey

My "happening" Ah Ma.. =)

2007-10-17T22:44:00.000+08:00

This trip back to BP during the Raya break was good. Had a nice long chat with Ah Ma. And took more photos of her.. She's really "happening" - she loves to pose, and knowing that cameras are now digital, she asks to see each photo to approve whether or not she looks good enough for "printing" and posting.. =)

I simply love this shot. Ah Ma has a very sweet and serene look on her. At 97, she epitomises style and beauty.

I attempted this shot many times, each time Ah Ma told me to try again, cos she didn't smile "nice enough". She's so cute, lar.

Ah Ma telling me that her hands no longer have "prints" and lines anymore. "It's all smoothed out now.." she tells me in Hokkien. I tell her it's still as soft and supple as a baby's skin.

The jade ring on her finger, she's had it for over 50 years. Grampa lost all her jewellery during one of their trips, and bought this ring for her in return.

My favourite shot of all!

We were all in stitches, cos Ah Ma wanted to pose for this shot. She kissed me for a good 2 minutes cos the camera-woman (aka mum) initially couldn't locate the small digital viewfinder, and when she did, she couldn't contain her giggles.. =) Mum had a hard time keeping the camera stable..

Girls' Nite Out!

2007-10-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, 6 of us girls from Cafe@ Subang CG went for a classy date with each other - for a Latino Jazz performance at Alexis Bar in KL. It felt like we were a bunch of 21 year olds, chatting away, laughing away and enjoying the yummy spread of dinner. Jules & I did the ordering.. and we did a very interesting girl thing.. we ordered mains first, then the appetizer.. and then dessert.. Should've skipped the appetizer and went straight for the gorgeous sumptious heavenly (you get the idea!) signature Tiramisu cake.. It was superb.

It was a lovely time to just chill with the sisters.. sharing our week.. and a slice of our lives which we had not shared before. It was sweet.. Next round, Eileen,Grace and Sarah must come along.. =)

We found out just today that the guys had a great time out with each other too.. YY, Joe and Ka Hing played snooker, bowling, buffet at Shogun's and even managed to cramp in the Bourne Ultimatum in their 6 hours together.. =)

Dawn will break

2007-10-09T17:55:00.001+08:00

Title: Candles by the pit
"A bruised reed, He will not break. A smouldering flax, He will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice."Isa 42:3

Title: Cloud on a puddle
Even if a vague reflection is all i see, but it reminds me of You, it will suffice.

HOLD MY HEART
By Sharon AM

Lord, hold my heart in Your hands
Till the darkest night is over
Let there be the promise of a brighter dawn
Lord, hold this heart of mine
Hold my heart firm within Your mighty hands

Lord, it hurts deep within
Hold my heart in your hands
Lord, please help me understand
Why things happen as they do
Surely You know and feel it too

In moments when i am weary
Carry me close to Thee
In moments when i fail Thee
Remind me that You still love me

Even when all hope seems to fade
Even when it's hard to believe
Even when it’s hard to trust in You
Lord, remind me You are faithful

Even when all doubts surface
Even through my darkest fears
Even when my eyes are out of tears
Lord, remind me of your grace

Lord, hold my heart in Your hands
Till the darkest night is over
Let there be the promise of a brighter dawn
Lord, hold this heart of mine
Hold my heart firm within Your mighty hands

* This "song" was first written for a close friend of ours at the loss of their first child. And just over the past week, i was reminded again that sometimes life's circumstances may be so harsh, like raging waves with no mercy, giving one no chance to catch even a breather.

This song/poem was written as a reflection of our frailty, our human-ness, our weakness in moments of loss, of confusion, of doubts, and seasons of un-answered prayers. It also reminds us that we believe in a loving God, a mighty God, a faithful God. In His perfect time, dawn will break.

Sharon.

A Merger & A Joint Venture

2007-10-08T21:28:00.000+08:00

Some of you who've been regularly reading this blog would realise some changes to the profiles..

Yes, with much inspiration from Ps Wong, influence from our CG, and negotiation with me, Yong Yi has finally(!) entered blog-dom as well albeit a not-too-much-commitment way. He's starting off with a joint-venture / merger with me - in Selah Moment.

He claims he loves the blog name, Selah Moment. (*CG members, i think shellobot.blogspot didn't quite appeal) =) Me thinks it's more of a passing fad.. We'll see..

Hence, you will find some blog posts by our dear big guy every once in a blue moon.. =)
(YY: Will prove you wrong!)

*Seems CDPC is growing in the blog-dom, eh? =)

Enjoy!

Song for the children?

2007-10-01T12:27:00.001+08:00

While I was preparing to share with the Sunday School kids abt Immutable God, YY had encouraged me to close my message to the kids with a song that i had written - Faithful God. I was slightly apprehensive, but figured, if this song can help them to remember our Faithful God having an unchanging love for them, it was more than enough.

Without any lyrics flashed, the kids surprised me by singing in unison the whole song of Faithful God. It moved me close to tears. Personally, I had always thought this song as an adult-song. It was humbling to think that the kids, who had such powerful memory, knew this song by heart. Even the 4-year olds were singing the chorus, "Faithful God, Unchanging Love.. *trail off* .. Faithful God, Unchanging love.. *trail off* Faithful God"

It's a scary thought that finally (!) dawned on me that writing songs for church is an awesome responsibility. It influences and shapes the theology of these young minds. It is also an exciting opportunity and tremendous privilege to be a part in impacting our children =)

P/s: Sarah, Jules, remember we had often wondered what other words to be used in replacement of unchanging love (since there wasn't a verse that spelt that out verbatim)? Well, it finally dawned on me (thru YY's moment of deep wise revelation) that our God is unchanging. And our God is love. Hence, His love is unchanging. =)

Photo 1. Faithful God (C) Copyright - CDPC album

Photo 2. Taken at Sydney Olympic Park.

Immutable God

2007-10-01T11:48:00.000+08:00

Just yesterday, i had the privilege to share with the Sunday School kids abt our Immutable God.. Yup, Immutable God. Such a "chim" topic for the little ones aged 4-12.. Initially whilst preparing for this, i had thought that the word probably meant a God that couldn't be silenced (cannot be muted .. hence immutable??) =)

I then searched online via the google search and discovered that Immutable God refers to an Unchanging God! Then my brilliant mind figured that the word may have come from the word "cannot mutate"..hence, im-muta-ble. =) Clause: I hereby hold no responsibility whatsoever for any possibility of this definition being completely wrong.. =p

Anyways, in preparing for this short message, i learnt so much abt this Immutable God that i believe in. Our God is an unchanging God.

(i) His nature is unchanging. God doesn't cease to be divine. The Creator God is unchanging. His creation changes, but He doesn't. He doesn't stop being God - at any point in time.. From the dawn of time, He was.. To the end of time, He will still be.. God.

(ii) His character is unchanging. God is Omni-present (always present) ; Omni-potent(all-powerful); Omni-scient(all-knowing); always righteous, always holy, always just; always true; always loving; always faithful.

(iii) His promises and purposes are unchanging. God's promises in His word were true for His people in the past, for us in the present, and for our future. When God created, He foreknew the potential of sin. When he created man, He already saw Jesus as a baby, as a man. He saw the cross, the crucifixion, the redemption plan unfolding.

With that, we should hold on to God's unchanging word. We can trust God with our lives. He will not one day disappoint us by ceasing to be divine. Knowing that our God is unchanign, in a way, we too, should strive to not change according to the circumstances and situations around us. We should not change who we are for what the world dictates of us. We should be whom God has created us to be. And finally, God being an unchanging God, His standards are still perfect. But thank God, He has given us a way out - a perfect salvation plan, a perfect redemption through Jesus.

Cross shots

2007-09-21T13:50:00.000+08:00

Just a random collection of photos taken depicting the cross.. and thoughts on this journey of faith..

Title: Before I Fly

Location: Ceiling of KLIA

Title:

Location: Top of an old church opposite the Lidcombe train station, Sydney.

Title: Dots of a Cross

Location: Carpet at Radisson Plaza Hotel, Sydney.

Title: Stairway to heaven

Location: Sydney Olympic Park

Title: On Your Shoulders
Location: Sydney

Indescribable!

2007-09-14T17:34:00.000+08:00

Was just listening to Chris Tomlin's song Indescribable, and reminded once again just how great our Creator God is. "Creation's revealing Your majesty"; "You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing God!"

Like these pretty couple insect in my eyes, so i must seem to such a great God who owns and created this universe. Amazing.. simply mind-blowing..

To think that He didn't just stop there.. He knows each one of us and loves each one as if there was only one of us...

Luke 12: 27-28 "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!"

This indescribable God doesn't just create us and leave us here on earth to fend for ourselves.. He give us the greatest gift of grace to live this life plus blessing upon blessing.. providence upon providence.. miracle upon miracle..

My heart echoes with Chris Tomlin, "You are amazing, God.."

Offering of Praise

2007-09-13T10:33:00.001+08:00

OFFERING

By Paul Baloche

The sun cannot compare to the glory of Your love
There is no shadow in Your presence
No mortal man would dare to stand before Your throne
Before the Holy One of heaven
It's only by Your blood
And it's only through Your mercy,

Lord, I come

CHORUS
I bring an offering of worship to my King
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus, may You receive the honor that You're due
O Lord, I bring an offering to You
I bring an offering to You

Photo by: Samantha Teh

Withering Heliconia

2007-09-12T11:36:00.000+08:00

How can a withered flower, a worthless dying plant, past its glory days of bright colours and gorgeous hues -- how can it still exude such beauty?

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. This old saying still rings true.

In my camera lense, this withering heliconia is an image of beauty, of class, a unique work of art.

Like us, the created in the eyes of our Creator God, even at times when we are down and out, He still sees us as beautiful, unique, fearfully and wonderfully made.

Ah-Ma

2007-09-03T13:21:00.000+08:00

My Ah Ma is one of the most amazing people i have ever known. At 97, she's the epitome of determination, of zeal and vigour. As i sat with her just over the recent Merdeka weekend, i learnt so many precious lessons that i pray i may remember for always.

Lesson 1. NEVER GIVE UP

Ah Ma was just recalling that Grampa passed away for more than 40 years already. Twisting her jade ring, she said, "i gave my whole packet of gold jewellery to your grandfather, but he accidentally misplaced it. He felt bad, so he bought me this ring. It's been so many years.. "As she said that, i realised that for the past 40 years, she has single-handedly brought up her 8 children. A housewife, it must have been so tough to feed the many mouths. It is by sheer determination and hard work that she raised her children well and today, i would say her children are all healthy and successful.

A couple of years back, Ah Ma fell down. While most people would just resolve to sit in a wheelchair, but not my Ah Ma. She was determined to walk on her own with her walker. Step by step, she learnt to walk. At 95! Not wanting to be a burden to others, Ah Ma refuses to let her circumstances keep her from being independent. She was telling me that every night she would clap her hands softly over her head 300+100 times. She would stretch her legs 150 times each. 300 times! It is to keep her limbs active and her mind strong, she says.

Lesson 2. DON'T BE GREEDY.. =p

haha.. I recently asked Ah Ma her secret to longevity and good health. She replied in hokkien "When eating your food, stop when you feel just right. Don't stop only when you feel full. By then, you would have overeaten. Take plenty of veges. Meat is a luxury. You know, when ur mum was younger, we only ate chicken and pork on special occasions."

Lesson 3. KEEP LEARNING!

At 97, Ah Ma still reads the newspapers everyday and occupies her time reading books. It keeps her mind alert and active. Though she's a bit more forgetful nowadays and tends to repeat herself, it is forgiveable - afterall, she's 97! I pray that if God allows me to live that long, that i would be as alert, as full of life as Ah Ma.

It also made me think that at her age, everything Ah Ma says is like pure gold. While i do not always agree with all that she says, but for most of it, i listen, ponder and reflect out of respect and admiration for Ah Ma. It comes from her wealth of experiences in her journey of life. Like the chinese saying, she has eaten more salt than i have eaten rice.

With that, I realised that if i should be given such a long life, alertness and zeal, i could impact and inspire my future generation-- to share God's goodness, to recall His faithfulness, to remember His providence and guidance all through my life. Deuteronomy 4:9 says, "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them."

May this life of mine leave a legacy of faith to my children and my children's children.

**Thank you, Ah Ma. I will save this post and show it to you the next time i go back to BP, k? =)

Un/Answered Prayers?

2007-08-30T13:56:00.000+08:00

It had been churning in my mind for the longest time.

How long does one wait for a prayer to be answered?

How long does one trust for the prayer to be answered?

How long before one realises that God is answering the prayer in a different way altogether?

I've been reading many books these past few months.. Was just telling YY that i go thru these "read-all-I can" phases. Seldom does this happen, but when it does, i can finish up to 2 books a week.

Just a month ago, i came across a book with a very interesting title, " When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayer" by Jerry Sittser. I picked it up, because it resonated with my heart's condition at that time. I flipped, and read about Jerry Sittser's story. He & his wife had been praying for a child for many years. Then when they had almost given up praying 8 years later, God gave them 4 children(!) one after another over a span of 6 years! Every night, he would pray for the protection of his precious children, his family. He remembers early that September morning, praying for them, only to find himself in a horrible and tragic nightmare hours later. A drunk driver collided with his car, killing his wife, 4 year old daughter and mother, leaving him to care for his 3 other young children who survived the crash. He groped, searched, wrestled, struggled and asked God, “Why wasn’t my prayer answered?” Jerry shares honestly and openly the pain he felt, the despair and disillusionment, but still hanging on to his faith and his God to continue this life.

I know of many in my midst who have had their share of unanswered prayers. Some still coping with the sudden loss of a loved one. Some still healing from a broken heart. Some waiting for a glimmer of hope for their job, their relationship, their ministry. Mothers waiting for their wayward sons to return. Wives / husbands praying for their spouses to be healed.

I have earnestly asked God for a prayer to be answered. A simple request. A simple task for such a mighty Creator God. A miracle He has worked around the world a billion times over. I have bargained, negotiated, persuaded, even begged God. But till now, heaven seems silent.

Jerry Sittser shed some light as he discovered over the years, that sometimes unanswered prayer is not due to our “lack of faith” or because we didn’t pray the “right way”. God has a greater will and plan that He sees, but often we don’t. So in some sense, unanswered prayers are His answers to our prayers.

Ironically, I am currently working on a song entitled Supreme. Right after Faithful God was written, the phrase and tune “Supreme, You alone are God Supreme” started ringing incessantly in my mind. I believe that God speaks to uniquely to individuals. For me, God uses the songs he wants me to write to teach ME lessons that I myself need to learn.

When I say, God is supreme, I am proclaiming that He is the greatest, the ultimate, the highest in authority. When I say, God is supreme, I am advocating that He is sovereign; He is in control. When I say, God is supreme, I am not the king, He is. When I say, God is supreme, I am no longer my master, He is.

And if i say, God is supreme, He has every right as God and Lord and King to answer prayers as and when He wants to.

For me, I should hope and trust that my Supreme God will work out only the very best for me in His best time and plan.

The LONG WAIT

2007-07-26T09:14:00.000+08:00

Never in my life had I waited for so long for anyone. Not for even YY (thank God!). It was almost like in the scene of some Korean drama, except that this time it was a girl waiting for another girl..

With my tummy rumbling and my head heavy, the one and a half hours wait at the LRT station felt somewhat like eternity.

Before I start making this sister feel worse than she already does, I would like to say that God turned it out for something good. The wait was full of lessons that I guess God wanted to teach me.

For one, it showed me my flaws clearly. (i) My impatience. While I was reading a godly book (ironically it was called Driven by Eternity), I was tapping my fingers and toes impatiently as if to hurry her up. (ii) My fear of the unknown. I didn’t like the idea of not knowing where she was and what exact time she was arriving. “I am reaching soon” wasn’t good enough. (iii) My easily irritability. In my mind I was giving her a lecture about learning to be punctual, keeping deadlines, being unselfish, and thinking about others, etc, etc.

Then suddenly while all these emotions were rising up inside of me, a still small voice said “You call this sacrifice? You call this waiting??”

There in the car, I learnt about sacrifice. God’s sacrifice. Sacrifice means giving up, forgoing, forfeiting, letting go, surrendering something. God gave up His One and Only Son. Our heavenly Father surrendered His Son to save us. Jesus had to forgo heaven and all His power and glory. Jesus forfeited His all, His life and went to hell for our sakes. Now THAT is sacrifice.

God has been waiting.. and waiting.. and waiting.. not passively, but actively seeking.. for the lost to know Him and experience His love and grace.

God has been waiting.. and waiting.. for the backslidden to come back into His embrace.

God has been waiting.. and waiting.. delaying His judgments and His eternal punishments. That NONE may perish. Now THAT is waiting.

I couldn’t never measure up. After one and a half hours, I had to call to say I was way too tired and hungry to wait any longer. I left feeling bad, she felt bad too.. but we both learnt some powerful lessons. (*I asked her to read mine in this blog)

When i reached home, I was reflecting on it over my maggi noodles, and I realize that I learnt far more from my wait than I would had I been at home in the comfort of my sofa. I guess God knew better. He made the lessons in the book come alive.

Waiting has now taken a new meaning for me.

BOLD FAiTH (cont'd)

2007-07-18T09:10:00.000+08:00

BOLD FAiTH (part V) – July 2007

Bold Faith. A deliberate decision, a conscious choice to trust in God and live for Him.

I was poring all over scripture to find a person of courage as an example for our Bible study. i didn't just find ONE, i found so many. It made me realize that courage was a character inherent in so many biblical heroes of faith. Courage isn't evident at the absence of fear. Courage is all about taking risks and steps, overcoming fears, the adveristies and the ordinary.

Courage, or boldness, in itself is not sufficient; coupled with faith, these ordinary men & women became key instruments mightily used by God to save lives and inspire us today.

I realised that these men and women weren't just sunday school bible stories. They were and still are heroes; role models - paving the way to remind us that in our "ordinary" lives today, we too have an opportunity be courageous and faithful.

Noah – had the courage to obey God at a time when the world had never seen a disaster of that intensity; had the courage to build an ark to precision; had the courage to obey in looking for and bringing in animals of every kind. BOLD FAiTH.

Amram & Jochebed – listed in the hall of faith, because they had courage to hide their son at a time when all males were killed by the Pharaoh. As a result of their courage, Moses is mightily used by God for the redemption of the Jews from Egypt. BOLD FAiTH.

Hebrew midwives - had the courage to save the jewish male babies from being killed by the Egyptians. Had the courage to disobey the orders of the most powerful ruler at that time - the Pharaoh. BOLD FAiTH.

Moses – an adopted prince, a murderer, a shepherd, a stutterer, overcame his fear of speaking, to go down history as a friend of God, and the greatest leader of all time. BOLD FAiTH.

Joshua – had the courage to take over the leadership helm from Moses, the greatest leader of all time. To no other leader has the assurance from God, “Be strong, and of good courage!” appeared so many times. It took courage to lead this pack of forgetful and stubborn people. It took courage to obey God and lead the people through a place he had never been before. It took courage to lead them into the promised land. BOLD FAiTH.

Rahab – This prostitute, who did not know God had the courage to risk her life for the safety of a bunch of Jewish spies. Had courage and faith to believe the hear-says that this Jewish God parted the Red Sea to save them from Pharaoh in Egypt. Had the courage to request for her life and her family’s to be spared when (not if) the Jewish came back to conquer Jericho. BOLD FAiTH. She goes down the hall of faith appearing in the lineage of Jesus. BOLD FAiTH.

Esther – had the courage to speak up to the King to save her people from genocide. Had the courage to expose the evil schemes of Haman. BOLD FAiTH.

Daniel – a captive in a foreign land, with a foreign name and teachings, had the courage to stand up and speak up for his beliefs and his faith. Even to the point of death and the lion’s mouth. God granted him favour and a spirit of excellence. He became the king’s 2nd man- for 3 kings. BOLD FAiTH.

Daniel’s 3 friends - Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego – had the courage to stand up for their faith by not bowing to the golden image of the king; even at the risk of death in a fiery furnace. BOLD FAiTH.

Peter – had the courage to leave everything behind to follow Jesus. Had the courage to ask Jesus to allow him to walk on water. Upon his restoration by Jesus – had the courage to be used mightily by God even unto death. BOLD FAiTH.

Paul – a Pharisee, a persecutor of churches. Upon the encounter with Christ, had the courage to stand up and speak up for the Christ he now knew. Had the courage to teach and preach the gospel of Christ in spite of persecution. BOLD FAiTH.

And so so many more. Their bold faith and courage simply inspires. Men and women who are completely and utterly sold out for God. Surrendering their lives to be used in the hands of a mighty God for His purpose. Ordinary folks in the hands of an extraordinary God did extraordinary things to the glory of God.

BOLD FAiTH?!

2007-07-16T08:48:00.000+08:00

I was leading a Bible study discussion on courage last Friday. Whilst preparing for it, I was reminded of an on-going journal entry that I had been writing for the past 3 years on a rather similar topic – BOLD FAiTH. This is a summary of the entries and thoughts. I was hoping to see a deepening of faith and spiritual maturity. More evident instead is God’s amazing grace..

BOLD FAiTH (June 2004)

“BOLD FAiTH”... “BOLD FAiTH”… these two words kept ringing in my mind.

Whilst in Kota Bharu for a short sales stint, in a land of pious Muslims and staunch idol worshippers, where superstitions beliefs are prevalent, where would my faith stand? How BOLD would I be? Without realising it, I’d become conscious of revealing my Christian faith – quietly keeping my faith undercover. My cross tucked safely inside my shirt. Even mealtime prayers had become an open-eyed in-the-heart-mumble. “Afraid that the flies may find its way to my food”, was my excuse.

An encounter with a Muslim fanatic in K. Terengganu threw me somewhat off-board. Shocked by his deep knowledge of the bible and embarrassed by the lack of mine, I was disappointed that my faith did not stand as boldly as it should.

BOLD FAiTH – these two words rang loudly in my head again. Why these two words? Why BOLD? Why FAiTH? Can’t each go without the other?

BOLD – evidence of strength, courage, fearlessness, striking, emphasized, noticeable.
FAiTH – a trust, a belief, something we hope for which we do not yet see

Boldness without faith is like a strong and mighty ship without a rudder, bravery without purpose, courage without direction
While,
Faith without boldness is like an unplugged electrical appliance or a Porsche kept locked in a garage, full of potential but not in use.

And so, BOLD FAiTH works hand in hand to give us both the purpose and the drive to which we were born for.

I’ve been asking myself of late where does BOLD FAiTH stand in a pagan land? A relentless pursuit to do what is right, what is good, honoring God in every circumstance, glorifying Him.

BOLD FAiTH does not mean an aimless head-on battle with others, or what some call “plain Gung-ho” but rather a conscious, deliberate trust in the Lord.

BOLD FAiTH symbolises a shining beacon, an anchored ship and a firmly founded building.

******

BOLD FAiTH (Part II) – Continued in Aug 2005

As I re-read this article I wrote almost a year back, i was reminded me of an incident late last year, which triggered back feelings of guilt. “BOLD FAiTH?! It’s just a silly ideal, a childish fantasy, and an unrealistic aspiration.”

“Is BOLD FAiTH in today’s context in essence, really a fantasy and aspiration? Is it only a dream but never a possibility?” I ask myself again and again.

When I pledged myself to be married to Yong Yi, knowing full well his parents were non-Christians, I never thought I’d live to see the day that I would bow to idols. No, not me. I was the kind who gets inspired simply by reading the stories of Christian martyrs, those who live and die for their faith. My heroes in the Bible were people like Joseph and Daniel – people who stood strongly for their faith, in spite of all the adverse circumstances. I was the kind of person to challenge people to stand up boldly for their faith at all costs. Oh, I felt just like the apostle Peter, who at one moment told Jesus he would go anywhere his master went and within the next 48 hours denied Christ thrice.

Late 2004, during our Chinese wedding tea ceremony, we were requested to bow to “ti kong” or the god of heaven and also to his late grandmother as a sign of respect. I complied reluctantly. But deep inside, I felt like I had betrayed God and everything I had stood for. I felt like a failure, a coward and a hypocrite.

Peter would have understood perfectly what I felt – the guilt, the disappointment.

Then, I recalled vividly the message about the restoration of Peter by the Lord Jesus. Thrice the Lord asked him, “DO you love me?” Together with Peter, my heart resonated a “Yes, Lord, You know I do!” “Feed my lambs.” “Feed my sheep.” “Tend my sheep.” He answers. I took it by faith that as the Lord restored Peter, He’d stretched His forgiving arms to me as well.

I’ve come to realize that it is not by my own strength nor my own ability that I can live with BOLD FAiTH, but it’s God’s grace that compels me. Through experience, I have come to appreciate better what boundless and amazing grace the Lord pours on me.

BOLD FAiTH (part III) – September 2006

8 of us girls and guys in church had embarked on a song-writing project. YY pressured me into completing my song – which was inspired just before I went for a job interview – sometime in July 06. I had been praying to God for a new job for at least 8 months. But God had never seemed more silent than this. I was getting frustrated, anxious and disappointed at the idea of it all. Yet something in me just kept telling God – You know what’s best.

During the journey to the interview, suddenly a song sparked in my head, and I started singing a whole paragraph. I had to stop the car, just to type the song into my handphone, and prayed I would not forget it. Within two weeks, I got the job, I was elated!

The 1st song I wrote? It was entitled – I NEED YOU, LORD. It is a reflection of a heart’s deepest cry to God that in everything, at every moment, in every situation – I NEED HIM. Desperately.

BOLD FAiTH (part IV) – May 2007

Things at work were tough. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. An uncle who knew I was unhappy said, “Sharon, this is not your home, you’re not meant to feel comfortable there. We were created for heaven. Till then, we will all be misfits here.”

But despite that, I was so miserable, I had begged YY to allow me to quit even without a job in hand. I guess I learnt BOLD FAiTH through him. He asked me if I was certain that that was what God really wanted, and challenged me to wait – for just 2 weeks. If within the next two weeks God doesn’t give me another job, then I can go ahead and quit.

Guess what? God answered with a job within 2 weeks.

Prior to leaving, I still questioned why God brought me there only to feel a sense of regret. I felt like I had disappointed God; as if I had wasted the past 9 months of my life. But to my surprise, at my farewell, God affirmed me through the various colleagues telling me that I had made a difference in their life. I certainly hope so.

BOLD FAiTH? I'm still work-in-progress.

Courage Under Fire!

2007-06-25T15:48:00.000+08:00

During our bible study last week, we studied the character of Daniel on the subject of Leadership. As we read and discussed, I was amazed and awed all over again by the life of Daniel. He was more than just a Sunday School bible hero. He epitomised faith and courage in the present modern world.

Daniel. A Babylonian captive. A stranger in a foreign land. A minority. A slave in the king's palace. YET, he rose to become the King's 2nd in command. How did that happen??

Daniel purposed in his heart to obey and please God only. No yummy royal food could tempt Daniel from becoming defiled. He continued to pray 3 times a day as he had always done. He bowed to no other god except his God. In the face of death and of the lion's den, he obeyed only God's law and precepts. He most likely didn't have God's book of law with him when he was taken away from his home. He had only what had been taught to him as a child. And God showed him favour.

The Babylonian King tried to change Daniel and his 3 friends - their lifestyle (by introducing foreign royal food), their religion (by giving them foreign names after the Babylonian gods), their thinking (by giving them foreign teaching). But what Daniel and his friends had learnt in their childhood, they kept int heir hearts. Daniel and his friends refused to be changed. They purposed in their hearts to serve God and Him only. And God showed them favour.

In our day and age, temptations surround, haunting and threatening at every opportunity. I hope i will store up God's truth in my heart such that like Daniel, i can continue to live my life for God and not be shaken by the temptations and threats around me.

My Life is in Your Hands

2007-06-04T21:59:00.000+08:00

A dear sister in Christ and mentor once wrote this song lyrics by Kathy Troccoli as her graduation and farewell gift to me. It was a tremendous encouragement to me then. It is still a great inspiration and blessing today. There are many things in life that we cannot fully understand, but by faith, God will work all things for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. May it also be a blessing to you...

MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS
By Kathy Troccoli

Life can be so good
Life can be so hard
Never knowing what each day
Will bring to where you are

Sometimes I forget
And sometimes I can't see
That whatever comes my way
You'll be with me

My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without hope
Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands

Nothing is for sure
Nothing is for keeps
All I know is that your love
Will live eternally
So I will find my way,
And I will find my peace
Knowing that you'll meet my every need

My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without hope
Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands

When I'm at my weakest love
You carry me
Then I become my strongest love
In your hands

My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands
I trust you Lord
My life is in your hands

P/S: Thanks, Roanna for this. I wrote it in my journal more than 7 years ago, and it's still here with me..

God - on hindsight..

2007-05-29T21:46:00.000+08:00

Over the past week, while i was between jobs (in case you're not aware, I've just moved to Cadbury-yup! the choc factory), i had the opportunity to clean up my house a bit. The first to get tidied was our study. I came across my dear journal, and spent quite a while reading through my entries.. some of which i will try to post in time to come..

One particular entry brought tears streaming down my eyes just reading it. It was dated Sunday, 17/9/2000, and written in purple ink. It was the day that my world came crashing down, when mum told me that dad hadn't been himself, and had threatened to leave home. It was my final term at Uni, and i was due to finish at the end of the year. And my reason for calling home at that time was to ask if i should continue my studies for a Masters degree.

It was also the same time that I had my 3 final thesis papers due, I had to chair the OCF meeting that Friday and lead in worship as well. I still can't imagine how i survived that horrendous week! The turmoil of emotions. The hot tears and the impending fears. The disappointment and the hurt. It was like the carpet was yanked from right under my feet. The pillar of my life - a strong family - came crashing down. And i couldn't do a single thing about it. The helplessness.. The hopelessness..

I think I survived solely by God's grace - because of the loving brothers and sisters who came alongside and prayed for me, listened and encouraged me; aunties and uncles who stood with my mum and bro, cared for them and carried them through. They were really God-sent.

When i re-read what i wrote that week, i am amazed at the level of faith God gave to me at that time. "I prayed that the Lord would remind especially the young ones in my cell group that life is not void of troubles. But our God is faithful. Circumstances will rise, even when the things we hold closest to our heart will fail, but the Lord will not fail me. I could only say this is within the Lord's will and He will see me and the whole family through. God is good and on Him alone, can i depend. "

Now, on hindsight, after close to 7 years, I can only testify of God's faithfulness and abounding grace. I came back to Malaysia in Feb 01, dad had left the family right after attending my graduation. I was so worried for mum, and more so, for my bro - who was facing his SPM.

I recall that time when i promised my brother that he would have a chance to study in Australia just like me. And mum and i said we would both work and give tuition to support him. Little did we know how much it would cost!! But thank God! He gave us far more than we could ever ask or imagine.. My brother got excellent results for his SPM and got a scholarship to study in Melb for 5 yrs!!

By God's grace and providence, mum has since moved up to PJ. I came up to KL, met and married a wonderful, handsome and godly guy. (But that's another story altogether!)

I look back and can only say that God has been amazingly gracious. What i thought i had lost - a close-knit family, i gained much more - a closer-knit family who has encountered and experienced God in a very intimate and personal manner.

*Nevertheless, I am continually with thee: thou has holden me by my right hand*Ps73:23

Purposeful Pain?

2007-05-28T22:09:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been through such a difficult situation in your life, a crisis, a deep wound or painful experience that you begged God for help or intervention?

Have you ever wondered why you had to go through the entire tough experience and why God had allowed it to happen to you, His precious child?

Or have you ever, while still in the midst of recovering from the whole trauma, find someone in the exact same situation placed right smack in your path? Have you shook your head, stared up into heaven, wondering if God had done all these on purpose? Did He intentionally allow you to go through the exact same pain just so that you could understand this person, share his/her pain, give hope, and lead them a step closer to God?

I had two very interesting conversations with a couple of younger church members weeks ago, and in the midst of our sharing, we discovered some striking similarities. They were lamenting of some painful experience that they had been going through, and wondered what was God trying to teach them from all these? Was He trying to mould their character? Perhaps. Was He trying to work something in their life? Perhaps. But before they got their answers, God brought people with very very identical experiences into their paths as if for them to minister to.

I challenged these young ones to consider that perhaps, just perhaps, God had allowed them to go through the tough circumstances and painful experiences, so that they would be better able to minister hope and give grace. How many times have we told a grieving one, "I understand how you feel", but not truly meaning what we said?

Having gone through the same pain, an identical hurt and the similar difficulty, one can be the most emphatic and understanding person. More so, having experienced God's grace and hope, we can share peace, speak grace and impart hope to the other person.

Some 3 years ago, I had the opportunity to be chosen to go to the Presbyterian Youth Triennium in US for a month. It was the biggest Presbyterian camp whereby over 5,000 US Presbyterian youth would attend, and at least 100 delegates from all over the world would participate.

As i was chatting with a Korean delegate - in her broken English, she tearfully shared with me her fears - for her father had just left the family. She being the eldest was not sure how she would be able to study, and still help to provide for her family. She doubted God's presence. I could cry with her, simply because I knew how she felt. For i too had experienced that same pain just a couple of years ago!

I told her my story. I kept in touch with her a few months after i returned. Last i heard God provided her a scholarship to study in Uni.

Deep inside, i felt that the pain i had been through was purposeful. If it helped this one girl to go through life with a little more hope. If it helped her live with a little more faith. If it helped her trust God a little bit more. It was worth it. The pain was purposeful.

A year older, a year wiser?

2007-05-08T18:20:00.000+08:00

I love birthdays. Especially when it’s not mine. *wink*

My all-time favourite is planning birthday surprises. I get all tickled just imagining the whole event unfolding in my head. From hand-crafted cards , to specially-wrapped presents, to planning birthday parties. I guess cos I’ve always been so blessed to be surrounded by loved ones and to have more than one birthday celebration, and I just assume that everyone else should also have a wonderful and meaningful birthday celebration..

When it comes to my own, however, I would somehow switch into a melancholic mode of serious reflection about life, purpose and calling. I'd call it Pre-birthday blues.. Haha.. Maybe it has to do with age playing catch-up game. I really don’t feel like I’m in my LATE-twenties, but the birthdate seem to confirm it, and so does my IC.

This year, I decided to do a stock-take of my life. What have i achieved? What have i done with the 365 days God has given to me? Or 28 years for that matter?

I am blessed to have had the opportunity to serve Him in Awana Club in the past 5 years, and now to take a sabbatical rest. The past few months have been a refreshing time-out for me. I had expected it to be a blissful time of rest and relaxation. Instead, it has been a time of discovery and adventure.. Taking roads I've never travelled before.

I've had the opportunity to dabble in things i never imagined possible. Like photography. And song-writing. Now that has been amazing. I believe it started as a challenge from YY. And before i knew it, a bunch of us were writing songs for the church, as our praise to the Lord.

As I had expressed in one of the songs i wrote, Faithful God, God has truly been faithful to me and my family. In every phase of my personal life, it's as if God has been choreographing my life into a tapestry, weaving events and circumstances, people and places to teach me and mould me into the person He wants me to be. I look back, and i'm in amazement at how He's led me thus far, and i cannot cease thanking Him for His faithful providence and blessings.

I know He's definitely not done with me yet; I guess I have another 365 days ahead to look forward to all that God has in store for me...

A step into the unknown

2007-05-03T15:28:00.000+08:00

I had always loved writing. I've even secretly wished and hoped to someday publish my own biography - a collection of my journey of faith, of my thoughts and moments of reflection. With much persuasion from my CG girls, plus having been a regular 'follower' of their blogs, I have been very blessed to read their 'thoughts' and be a part of their lives. In my 28 years, I had never been tech-savvy, so this is quite an achievement.

As I step into the world of the 'blogging', my hope and desire is that this blog will be a blessing, an encouragement, an inspiration, and one that will turn people to Christ.

Why Selah Moment? I recently came across a book called Selah by Nancie Carmichael. It reminds people to take a moment to stop, think, and step into our future. I'd always seen the word Selah in Italics in my Bible. It was only recently that i realised the significance of it. It was as if, the psalmist had put it there, to indicate a pause. A rest. A short time-out, before continuing his praise and adoration for God.

In the movie Music of the Heart, a 1999 movie based on a true-life story, Meryl Streep starred as a tireless East Harlem violin teacher Roberta Guaspari. In one of the scenes, she was teaching the students the significance of a pause, to have a brief moment of complete and utter silence. During the performance, the sudden silence in the middle of the song took the audience by surprise. They waited full of curiosity, anticipation and suspense. That brief moment of silence, followed by the ending stanza made the rest of the song sound more meaningful, more complete, and richer.

I believe brief moments of 'pauses' in life have a similar effect on us. It gives us time to reflect, to take count of what we have done with who we are, and what we have been given. These 'Selah moments' help us consider the purpose in which God has created us, and His plans for us. As we realise the hand of God upon our lives, we live our lives more purposefully, with a greater sense of calling and gratitude.